It's A Gay Marriage Thing

Gay marriage - also referred to as same-sex marriage; a legally or socially recognized marriage between two persons of the same biological sex or social gender.

“Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.” (Bill Maher)

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[Cue birds singing, violin playing romantic music]

My first crush was in 1st grade. Her name was Maria Teresa Hernandez. She was a year older than me because I managed to skip kindergarten and was promoted to 1st grade (thus I never got to take naps in school, though I did make up for this later). She was, to me, the prettiest thing on the planet that was La Luz School. It turned out that she liked me, too. We sat next to each other and did what most kids who liked each other in the 1st grade did - stick our tongues out at each other, call the other a doody-head, and hit each other at every conceivable moment that the teacher wasn't looking. Before the school year ended, we had our first kiss. I was on cloud ten (too many people on cloud nine, so I took the upgrade). When summer started, we swore to call each other every day.

[Cue record scratching sound effect]

Yeah, right.

Calls were never made. That was because she moved away. I never saw her again. My heart was crushed. I thought I would never love that way again. Two days later, Keisha Johnson and her family moved into the neighborhood...

Damn, I was a heartless bastard, wasn't I?

For as long as I've lived, I have been what is classified as a heterosexual. I didn't ask to be this way. To my knowledge, I didn't even know I had a choice in the matter. All I know is that from the beginning, I liked girls. When I got older, I really liked girls. Now that I'm an adult, I love women. I don't think I was asked if I was a heterosexual. I just was. I didn't think to question it. I didn't even know it was a question.

I would be lying if I said I didn't use the word “faggot” as a kid. Kids do that. As a young man, we use words like that to put down other guys, especially under two circumstances:

• when you wanted to prove you were a bigger man than your friend in a playful manner, or
  
• when you wanted to prove you were a bigger man that your enemy
  

As a kid, rarely did I know someone who was actually gay. I might have suspected it, but they were never the “I'm here, I'm queer” type. It was always the one who acted a little too feminine, but in those days we would just call them a “mama's boy.” As an adult, they are out and about, walking with pride and carrying their rainbow flags.

Homosexuals. Gays. Lesbians. Once in the shadows, now they're out in the spotlight. Bravo for them, I say. Be proud of who you are.

The jury's still out on a lot of things. Is homosexuality something learned or is it something you're born with? Is it genetic or environmental? People can argue these points until the cows come home, but in the end, does it really matter? Is the gender of the person that someone loves really relevant in the scheme of things?

Personally, I don't care. It's not my job to judge. As long as you give me respect, I'll give you respect. Treat me with kindness and I'll do the same. Respect my boundaries and I'll respect yours.

It's amazing how hypocritical people can be. The religious right (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) swears that homosexuality is a threat to the sanctity of marriage. Yet, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Marriages that are between a man and a woman, mind you. In fact, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, people in the Bible Belt find the most reasons for divorce at roughly 50% above the national average.

Translation: Self-righteousness does not make a happy marriage.

We don't deny them the right to a job, purchase property, take vacations, invest, or go to McDonald's. But once they wanted to start getting married, that was when the human excrement hit the rotating propeller device. After all, why would they not want to be with the one they love in a manner unlike what a man and a woman would want? Shouldn't they be able to pass on property to their loved one, like a married man and woman could do? Not according to the religious right. And accordingly, because people vote in the people who are making the laws, no one who wants a long-term political career in Washington, D.C. will even consider touching that subject on a federal level.

States rights, however, are a different story. Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C. (oh, the irony) are the only five states that perform same-sex marriages. California used to, but the item came to a vote that passed, ending it. However, this was ruled unconstitutional (yay, Constitution!), but is currently on appeal.

Do I agree with same-sex unions, whether they be marital or not? My religious upbringing does not, because people of the same sex cannot produce life, which is one of the tenets of God. My spiritual self says it doesn't matter because everyone has the right to find someone they love and who loves them. My realistic self says who cares because the bills need to get paid, the kids need clothes and the wife wants to have some quality time. Only the man upstairs has the answer to it all, so I'll leave it up to him.

So, here's my common sense advice about gay marriages to every one of you out there:

• If you're complaining about gay marriage and you're married, you're obviously neglecting your spouse and kids. I'm married and find myself too busy about the wife and kids to be worried about gay marriage. I can barely get in a decent game of Modern Warfare.
  
• If you're complaining about gay marriage and you're single, You have too much time on your hands. Get away from the Facebook, put the iPhone down, and go to a bar and meet someone. I hear speed dating does wonders.
  
• If you're complaining about gay marriage and you're not married but you are in a relationship, then you're probably gay. Or don't want to get married. Or both.
  
• If you're complaining about gay marriage and walk around carrying a Bible, just go to the kitchen and have a nice cup of STFU. First of all, Jesus said let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Secondly, when you're quiet, you'll hear silence. Know what that silence is? It's the sound of no one caring about what you think.
  
• If you're not complaining about gay marriage, then congratulations. You have a life. Go live it.
  

Live and let live, people.

Fear Is The Mind-Killer

fear [feer] (noun) - 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. 2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling. 3. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid. (verb) 4. to have fear; be afraid.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” (Yoda)

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I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of being afraid.

When I was a kid in the 3rd grade, I was bullied by another kid who was a year older than me. He picked on me because I used to go to private school. To him, the math was simple: private school = easy target. The first day he beat me up, I went home bruised and battered. My older brother asked me what happened and I told him about the beating that I got from the bully.

“Did you fight back?” he asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Why?” he asked, annoyed.

“I was afraid,” I said.

Then he hit me. Hard. In my arm. And it hurt. A lot.

Next day, same thing happened. Bully beat my behind. I came home and told my brother. He asked the same questions, I gave him the same answers. He gave me the same hit, though it was on the other arm.

“What are you afraid of more,” he asked, “the bully or me hitting you for being afraid of the bully?”

The following day, I came home. I was bruised up. Again, my brother confronted me.

“Did you fight back?” he asked.

“He's gonna have trouble peeing,” I answered.

He smiled and patted me on the back. He explained to me that even if I had lost, he would have been proud of me because at least I fought back.

Since that time, I've always stood up to any bully that came my way. Bullies rule by fear. Take that fear away and they have nothing to work with.

Scientifically speaking, we all know that fear causes a fight-or-flight reaction in the human body. Adrenaline is released into the bloodstream, which causes the muscles of the body to go into a state of readiness for intense muscular activity. The heart and lungs move faster. Pupils dilate and tunnel vision develops. Reflexes increase. Hearing loss begins. Even your metabolism slows down or stops completely. Of course, all of this is supposed to stop once the threat is evaded (flight) or neutralized (fight).

Being exposed to stress also triggers this, but in a more prolonged way. It causes all of the above, but also causes suppression of the immune system, constipation, difficulty urination and sexual suppression. When they say stress kills, it's not a joke.

Ever notice how when you're really angry or scared, you can't think straight? That's because the fight-or-flight response will only allow two methods of thinking: aggressive or evasive. Defeat the enemy or outrun them.

I hate anything that messes with my thinking. Fear does it in a way that you can't stop unless you can stop the process from happening in the first place. And that's why I hate to let my fear overwhelm me.

Yet every time I turn on the television, check the internet or read a newspaper, all I see is fear. And worse yet, I can see that the fear is manufactured in an attempt to sway the way we all think, all in the name of political gain.

It makes me mad, but if I let it overwhelm me, then I fall into the same trap. A catch-22, if I ever saw one.

I'm hoping that we come to a point where we let common sense dictate how we think, not what we're afraid of. But until that time comes, only knowledge and education can help, not ignorance. I was going to add passion to that, but passion is a double-edged sword.

Right now, as we edge closer to election time, all of us will be bombarded with advertisements that are designed to scare us into voting for the candidate who is the least scary. Think I'm wrong? Try this the next time you hear a negative campaign commercial. Close your eyes and just listen. Listen to the music in the background. Listen to the voice of the narrator. These are all psychological tools that marketing and advertising companies use to set the mood and tone of the listener.

In fact, compare it to a trailer for a scary movie. You'll see there's very little difference.

Instead, get the facts. In this day and age, where information is readily available, it's very easy to get. Then make your choice. What do you have to lose?

People may knock science fiction, but you would be surprised at how much you can learn about common sense by reading them. Here's something I found in a book called Dune by Frank Herbert that I try to keep in mind whenever I think my fear will overwhelm me. It's an incantation used by a group of witches known as the Bene Gesserit to calm them down in times of peril known as the litany against fear:

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

For those of a more spiritual leaning, there's the passage in 2 Timothy 1:7 that says:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

Don't get me wrong. I'm not blind or deaf to what's happening to us. The economy is out of control. People are losing their jobs, homes, and livelihoods. No one knows when this will turn around. And this is the perfect time for those who want to set their own agendas to make us afraid, so that we develop tunnel vision and see nothing else but what they tell us.

But if we have self-discipline, then we can see without the blinders on. We can listen past the rhetoric and see what the truth is. We can make our choices based on knowledge and not simply what we feel. We can come up with solutions that help all instead of a chosen few. And if we base those solutions on love for our fellow man and not fear, what could be better than that?

It's easy to fear or hate what we don't understand, but lack of understanding is ignorance in the highest form. And ignorance is a choice, not an excuse.

Make your selection now.

Live & Let Live… & Let Sheep Be Sheep

“In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.” (Dalai Lama)

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Every day, I grow more and more disillusioned about people. It constantly amazes me how we, the smartest creatures in the planet due to God/evolution/chaos/insert-your-own-reason-here, can be so damn stupid. Each time the sun rises and sets, I seriously wonder if the bar on stupidity continues to be raised or why we keep breaking our own record on how stupid we can become.

Let me stop here for a second to clarify something. I am human. I am not perfect. I make my fair share of mistakes. But if there is one thing I will say, I can admit when I am wrong (and offer the necessary apology) and I can learn from my mistakes.

Now, let’s get back to the subject at hand. For creatures that love freedom, we have the easiest time trying to step on the freedom of others. Whether it’s gay marriage, religious expression, abortion rights, health care, or whether a Happy Meal should have a toy in it (I wish this last one was a joke), we love to get into other people’s faces and tell them what they should do with themselves, whether they like it or not.

I think that deep down, we are all control freaks, but it’s the freakiest of the control freaks that scare me. You know who they are. The ones who are convinced that only they are right and that everyone else who disagrees is wrong. Their justifications vary – raised by a moral family, born a citizen, or even have a book and TV show – but they are all the same. To them, you are misguided and uneducated. You don’t know better. But they do, so let them show you the way. Just follow their lead.

In other words, be a sheep.

I believe that as the “enlightened” species of planet Earth, we need to show that differences are just that and not a marker for what is right or wrong. Will I really lose sleep if someone who has a different skin color that me lives in my neighborhood? Is it really that big of a deal if someone makes a choice to be with someone of the same sex? Is it necessary for you to beat me up because I prefer McDonald’s fries over BK’s?

Differences surround us in all stages of life… and it’s beautiful. Do we discriminate between the rose and the sunflower, or do we just enjoy each for what they bring? Ever seen a pack of dogs fend off another dog because he had a brown patch over his left eye instead of a white one? I won’t use cats as an example because they feel their superior to everyone equally, but at least they all agree on that.

So let’s celebrate those differences. Try and see things from another point of view with an open mind. Debate things from a standpoint of knowledge and a willingness to learn, not because you are better than they are, because you might be wrong. And if you can’t agree, then just agree to disagree.

Just so you know, election time is coming up. Everyone who wants to be in office will do whatever they can to convince you that they are right and their opponent is wrong. You have three choices at this point:

A. Choose your candidate only because he/she is a member of your chosen political party, regardless of whether they could do the job;

B. Listen to the candidates’ stand on the issues at hand (economy, jobs, education, etc.) and then decide who best represents your interests; or

C. Do nothing.

If you choose A, you are a sheep. You are part of the problem.

If you choose B, congratulations. You are on the way to convincing me that human beings can be redeemed and that God/evolution/chaos/insert-your-own-reason-here was right.

If you choose, C, then STFU. You are worse than the sheep.

Don’t be a sheep. Be… just be you. Just live and let live. Of course, if you wish to be a sheep, then I’ll respect that, too. But I will make fun of you, whether you respect that or not.