You Can Dish It Out, But Can You Take It?

crit·i·cism [krit-uh-siz-uhm] (noun) - 1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything. 2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.

“One mustn’t criticize other people on grounds where he can’t stand perpendicular himself.” (Mark Twain)

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Here’s a scenario I would like for you to imagine. It is the year 1512. Michelangelo, a renowned painter and sculpture, had just put in the finishing touch on his work on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Four years of blood, sweat and tears spent on such an intricate piece of work. As he wiped the sweat from his brow and took a deep breath, the Pope walks in. The exhausted painter steps back, proud of his work and lets the pontiff take it in.

Four years. 300 figures, all rendered in painstaking detail. The ultimate rendition of the doctrine, painted on a curved ceiling more than 65 feet in the air and almost 46 feet wide. All done on a customized scaffold designed by the artist himself. All detail rendered while standing up, his head craned back very uncomfortably. Even as he patiently waits, he massages the back of his stiff neck.

The Pope turns to the artist, lets out a sigh, then points to a small spot somewhere in the midst of the painting and says disappointingly, “You missed a spot.”

While this scenario did not happen, I know that a lot of us go through situations just like this. We all have people who love to do nothing more than to criticize every single thing you do. It could be a parent, a sibling, a friend, your best friend, your boss, your neighbor, or anyone in between. If you are a pet owner, it’s usually the cat. Just for the record, it’s never the dog.

We would like to avoid them, but we can’t. Like the drunk uncle at the Christmas party, they always show up at the right moment to kill the mood.

“Look at my kitchen remodeling job,” you say with pride.
“That doesn’t look like oak wood,” they say, hands on hips.
“Well, yeah, but look at the new stove,” you say, trying your best to stay calm.
“Why did you get a gas stove?” they ask even as they pass their eyes over it.
“Gas is cheaper and more efficient,” you answer with a nervous laugh. “Besides, you can’t say the refrigerator isn’t nice.”
“Is that stainless steel?” they ask.
“Yes,” you nod approvingly.
“Do you know how hard stainless steel is to clean?” they comment.

Why do some people do this? Oftentimes, it’s to make themselves feel superior to others. They have a need to be perfect, and what better way to feel that way than to look for fault in others. Here’s the irony: those that criticize harshly cannot deal with criticism. Even while they try to knock you down, in most cases they are the ones with fragile self-esteem. They are the ones who feel that they are worthless. So rather than acknowledge this, they would rather make themselves feel better by making you feel worse.

But the instant you say something about them, they suddenly become defensive, dismissive, and downright hostile. Suddenly, you have nothing to say that they want to hear.

“Look at my new $400 purse,” they boast while displaying it, making sure that the name brand is visible. “It was on sale this weekend.”
“$400? Isn’t that a little steep?” you ask, concerned.
“Don’t be jealous,” they say after sucking their teeth. “Besides, I work hard. I deserve it.”
“It’s not that,” you say, “but didn’t you just say that it was hard for you to pay your bills this month? $400 could go a long way in fixing that.”
“I don’t want to hear it!” they shout defensively while glaring daggers at you. “You don’t know what you're talking about! I’m keeping it, and that’s that!”

I believe in the power of constructive criticism. If I make a comment, it’s not to tear someone down or knock the wind out of their sails. I’ll throw in encouragement and understanding along with the comment. I admit that I do stand on the philosophy of brutal honesty with those that I love or associate myself with, but I do it with love.

In turn, I expect the same thing from them. In fact, I encourage it. I can’t tolerate yes-people. If I’m doing something that's stupid, just come up to me, hit me on the back of the head, and say, “That was stupid.” Even if I get mad at the moment, I will come to my senses sooner than later. Then we can hug it out or something.

In the Bible, Matthew 7:1-5 talks about this:

¹“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
³“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.”

In essence, it says that we should never look at others down our noses and think we are better than the next man. None - I repeat and emphasize, none - of us are perfect. All of us have our faults, and if we judge others with the intent to maliciously nitpick on all of their faults in an effort to boost our sense of superiority, then we should expect the same thing to be done to us.

So if you have to say something, say it constructively. Offer solutions, encouragement, or just simple understanding. Offer it with love and respect. Otherwise, you might as well slap the person in the face.

Remember, what comes around goes around. Can you take it when it comes back?

Playing With Fire, a.k.a. A Letter To Rev. Terry Jones

“Intolerance betrays want of faith in one’s cause.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

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Dear Rev. Terry Jones,

By now, you have let every news outlet in the country know that your plan for International Burn a Koran Day on September 11th will continue. You have made it clear that you will do this despite being denied a permit to do so, despite the departure of several members of your church who disagreed with this course of action, and that you would do this even if former President George W. Bush, who you claimed to respect, asked you not to.

Now, don’t me wrong. I am a strong believer in the Constitution. You feel that your first amendment rights give you the right to do this, and I could not disagree with that. You are also using the freedom of religion card, and again, I could not disagree with that. And since I don’t trust George Bush, I definitely cannot begrudge you for that.

However, I do believe that, in the realm of common sense, what you are doing is morally irresponsible and downright stupid.

For a man who claims to be following the will of God, your actions show otherwise. I know that there are several passages in the Bible show how God struck out at the enemies of His people, so I’m sure that you could use this as justification for what you're about to do. But in many of these passages, it was shown that these acts were done by Him, not for him. Don't believe me? Check out Romans 12:19:

“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”

I’m not exactly a Bible scholar, but I think it says to let Him handle these things.

I know people who agree with you, Pastor Jones. A friend of mine said that since they love to burn our flags and burn effigies, they should get to see what it’s like. Another said that this will show them that we are not afraid.

The problem with this is that hate can never conquer hate. It only feeds it. Darkness cannot dispel darkness. Only light can do that. And if you notice, even the smallest light can dispel the deepest darkness. If we as a nation, as a people, are to show that we are stronger and better, we can only do that by being stronger than our emotions and better than our impulses. We should the example, not play Follow the Leader. What you are doing is the equivalent of a pissing contest.

Here’s another dose of common sense: every action has an equal reaction. You want to send a message. By burning a Koran, what do you think the reaction will be? How mad would you be if someone burned the Bible? Think about it!

You’re safe in Gainesville, but what about American soldiers and civilians who are not within America’s borders? What do you think will happen to those people who are deployed in Muslim countries when this act occurs? Think they get to escape the repercussions of your actions?

This is not about personal freedoms. What it is about is responsibility. The only way to show that we deserve something is to show that we are capable of handling it responsibly and accept the consequences when we are irresponsible. Face it, Pastor Jones, if anything happens to those people due to this, it's on your head, whether you like it or not. And we all know that God does not like ugly.

I know that nothing will stop you from doing this. Ignorance never needs a reason to be what it is, after all. So, rather than hate you, I’m going to pray for you. To paraphrase Jesus, I'm going to ask God to forgive you, not because you don't know what you're doing, but because someone said that He is the God of children and fools, and obviously you are not a child.

Enjoy your book burning, Pastor Jones. Enjoy your fifteen minutes. When it’s all said and done, you’ll have a few people on your side, a lot of people who will be disappointed, and a hell of a lot of Muslims with axes to grind into your skull. But when you find time to get off your high horse, just remember two things, okay?

First, those that play with fire often get burned.

Second, the last time a “famous” book burning occurred was in 1933. The place: Berlin, Germany. The reason: Nazi efforts to control the population disguised as national pride.

So, when history looks back at this, you’ll be in great company. Just thought you should know.

Your Mind Is A Closed Book

closed-mind·ed (adj) - Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas.

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood.” (Chinese proverb)

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How are we supposed to be in an age of enlightenment and information, yet there are so many closed-minded, intolerant and ignorant people?

You know them. Everyone has one. It might be your best friend, your girlfriend, or your neighbor. It's just like the saying goes: “There's always one.”

You want to avoid them like the flu, but you can't. They will draw you into the stupidest of arguments. What's worse is that these are arguments you cannot win, because they are so closed-minded that logic is unable to gain a foothold in their minds. They cannot accept the possibility that there is something more than what they think. To them, they are right and their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You, sir or lady, are the one with the problem. Not them.

How can you convince a person who thinks they're right all the time? You can't. Banging your head against the wall would get better results, plus the headache's not as bad.

If you look at the world, anyone with half-a-brain could see that our progress was only possible when people looked beyond what was there and asked themselves an important question: “What if?”

Where would we be if early man had not designed tools to make his life easier? Who among you is glad that someone thought that computing power, which would easily fill a large room from wall-to-wall, could be miniaturized, leading to cell phones, PDAs and Playstations? Hell, everyone who caught an STD should be on their knees thanking Alexander Fleming for discovering penicillin from (of all things) mold.

I could go on and on about it, but closed-minded people would never get the point. So, here's a list of people that I consider to be very closed-minded. If you're open-minded, you'll agree with the list and could probably add in some names of your own. If you're closed-minded, you're in great company.

• The people who are protesting the building of a Islamic prayer center two blocks from Ground Zero in New York
• Religious bigots
• The Birthers, who are still convinced that President Barack Obama is not an American citizen
• The majority of commentators on Fox News
• The preacher in Gainesville who wants to host an “International Burn a Koran Day” on September 11th
  
• Skinheads
• Racists and bigots, period
• Sharron Angle, GOP challenger for Senator in Nevada, who believes that a woman should not have an abortion even if she was raped
• Sarah Palin (does this really need an explanation?)
• The Vatican, who recently listed the ordination of women as a grave crime and who still drag their feet when it comes to their priests sexually abusing little boys
• The idiots in MTV who decided that the “M” no longer stood for “Music”
• The idiots in MTV who came up with The Jersey Shore (no, scratch that. They're not closed-minded, but they have committed a crime against humanity and should be punished accordingly)
• The people in the state of Florida who wrote the law that allows homosexuals to be foster parents, but won't let them adopt
• The Pentagon officials who refuse to budge on banning gays in the military
• The people who once thought the Earth was flat
• The people who once thought the Earth was the center of the universe
• People who do not believe in evolution
• People who still think slavery was a good thing
• People who stick with a brand and won't even consider buying another brand that might be better
• The idiots who burned construction equipment at a future Islamic center in Tennessee
• Anyone who admires the Nazis
• Anyone who denies that the Holocaust happened
• The idiot who decided to put live action shows on Cartoon Network (it's called Cartoon Network, dammit! However, Adult Swim is excluded from this)
  
• The music industry, for not giving artists what they really deserve
• The movie industry, for not giving more major roles to people of other ethnicities (i.e., The Last Airbender) because they think it won't sell

I'm sure I've missed quite a bit of people on this list, but common sense tells me that those that get it will have people of their own who they can add to the list and those that don't will be in denial anyway.

Common sense advice: Open your mind to the possibilities out there. You can't know everything. Even if you're convinced you do.