Lest We Forget - 9/11

10 years ago, I was at work when I heard the news. At the time, we had a customer service area on our floor, so I walked over and looked at the television which was repeating over and over about a plane slamming into one of the towers of the World Trade Center.

My first thought was: Is this a movie commercial? This can’t be real. Nobody’s crazy enough to do this.

I was waiting for something, anything that indicated that it wasn’t real. That this was a 2001 version of the War of the Worlds radio show that terrorized everyone into thinking that a real Martian invasion was happening, playing on our fears of the unknown. But it never came.

Then the second crash happened. Tears rolled down my eyes. New York was where I was born and raised and watching this happen was like watching a relative getting shot and killed.

I started calling all of the family I had there. My brother, aunt, and many cousins called New York home. And with each message from the automated message saying that all circuits were busy, I grew more and more worried. As I reached out to the other family members outside of New York, I realized I was not alone in thinking this.

I would be several hours before we heard from everyone in New York. I was glad to hear that they were okay. I was even gladder to hear that one of my cousins, who worked in Tower Two, survived because he was late for work that morning.

Of course, in that time, the towers had fallen like Icarus from New York's skyline, the Pentagon was similarly attacked, and a plane that was heading for the White House to do the same was diverted thanks to the passengers who decided that if they were going to die, it would be by their terms and not on the terms of terrorists.

I was saddened by the thought that I would never again see the towers greet me whenever I flew into New York. But that’s nothing compared to those who lost their lives because someone chose that day to inspire fear into our hearts. And that is nothing compared to those of us who chose to show that we would not allow fear to dominate our spirit.

Are we better for 9/11? The opinions will differ depending on who you ask. But one thing is for sure. We were changed by that day. Our country united like never before because we would not, could not let them win. At the same time, we hardened ourselves to the point where things like torture and detaining prisoners without trial became debated rather than remaining absolute lines that we would not cross because we were supposed to be better.

To those who lost someone that day, you have my love, sympathy and prayers. They will never be forgotten.

Regret Me Not

“You see, there is only one constant. One universal. It is the only real truth. Causality. Action, reaction. Cause and effect.” (The Merovingian, “The Matrix: Reloaded”)

“If ‘ifs’ were fifths, we’d all be drunk.” (Author unknown)

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[A big thanks to my good friend, Jessica, for this topic. --Ed]

It has taken me 40 years to say this, but I can actually do so with a humble, yet cheesy smile: I do not regret who I am.

Don’t get me wrong. That does not mean that I haven’t done things that I regretted. It doesn’t mean that I have never done anything embarrassing, illegal (the stupid kind, not the felony kind), or both. It doesn’t mean that I have no enemies, anxiously waiting for me to fail or screw up. And it certainly doesn’t mean that my life is perfect and that I have no major concerns or worries.

But I honestly don’t regret who I am.

I wasn’t always this way, or course. Over the majority of my life, I often repeated this same phrase: “If this hadn’t happened, things would be different.” I’m sure that many people say or have said the same thing. It’s easy to say and even easier to believe, because something deep inside of us knows that the world is not going to give anyone a break but there has to be something better than this. It’s that same drive that keeps us going, no matter how bleak our circumstances are.

All of us have a word for it. Hope.

Over time, I made choices, both good and bad. Some of them were brilliant. Some of them were downright stupid. And again, the “if” sentence would rise like a phoenix from the ashes of the past.

If my parents hadn’t divorced…
If I had stayed in New York…
If I had chosen to live with my father instead of my mother…
If I had joined the military…
If I stayed in the engineering program instead of going into computer science…
If I had taken the job offer in New York instead of deciding to continue my college education…
If I had pursued my Master’s degree right away…
If I had waited longer to get married…

If. If. If! I think at this point, if “ifs” were fifths, I’d be in a hospital dying of alcohol poisoning.

I think the turning point for me was about six months ago. One of my best friends, Donna, reminded me of a passage in the Bible that really hit it home for me. It was Romans 8:28:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

She broke it down to me like this: “All of your experiences shaped you into the man you are today. Let’s say that things happened differently. Would you guarantee that you would still be the same person that you are right now?”

After I thought about the question, I knew the answer.

I wouldn’t be as compassionate for my fellow man as I am now. I would’ve been cockier (and probably an asshole on top of that). I wouldn’t have been as appreciative of the little things. I’m sure that my viewpoint on fairness wouldn’t exist. I would be more close-minded. My view of loyalty would be less defined. I would have never started on my spiritual journey when I did, if ever. And, on top of all that, I would have missed out on all of the wonderful people that I know and love.

I would not be the man that God is shaping me to become.

So, for those of you who are struggling with your pasts, wondering if you made the right decisions or if you should’ve taken another road, always remember that all things have a way of working themselves out, especially if you have faith. None of us are immune to causality. Faith just makes it easier to bear.

Plus, if you are someone that I call friend, cousin, brother or sister, then that means that no matter what happened to you or what decision you made, it made you into some that I actually like. As picky as I am, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Seriously though, always remember that until you are dead, you are a work-in-progress. And by the time God’s done with you, you’ll see yourself as the beautiful and wonderfully made being that He envisioned you to be from Day 1.

Waiting For Miss Manners

man·ners [man-ers] (plural noun) - 1. social conduct. 2. a socially acceptable way of behaving.

“It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.” (Author unknown)

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[A big thanks to my good friend, Cheryl, for this topic. --Ed]

Picture this. I’m at church, attending first service with my wife and children. We arrived about fifteen minutes before the service started so that we can get a good seat, since our church tends to get very crowded very quickly, and end up in the second row (first row is for the bishop and his family, his wife, children, pastors, and honored guests). So as we’re waiting for the service to start, one of the pastors walked up to us, smiling as she approached, and gave my wife a big hug while greeting her. And then she walked off (cue scratched record), ignoring me.

What the f***?

It wasn’t the first particular incident that something like this happened, but it was the most prominent for me because of how blatant it was. But I can speak of several instances where I was suddenly the Invisible Man and ignored. The youth at the church are real good at this. They can literally sit in the same room as you and not say one word to you while they are chatting with someone else.

Growing up in a Haitian culture (and I think that a majority of Caribbean cultures are like this), I was taught that elders were always to be respected and heeded. Boys were expected to greet all the female elders with a kiss on the cheek and all male elders with a handshake while girls were supposed to kiss any elder on the cheek regardless of gender. Then, unless they had questions for you, you were to go and join the other kids in whatever room they happened to be in. Under no circumstances were you to be in a room where adults were congregating and speaking unless called to that room by one of those adults. You were not allowed to give any adult an attitude, since that was seen as disrespect. Also, interrupting a conversation without starting with “excuse me” was a guarantee that you were going to get a whooping.

Now, don’t get me wrong. My culture has its issues (for example, in an argument between a child and an adult, the adult is automatically right, even if they are wrong) but I think it gave me a good foundation for dealing with the world in general. I was a good student because I respected my instructors, even when I was in college. Every adult I met took a liking to me, to the extent that I was easily welcomed into many of my friends’ homes like any of their children (I have a lot of “Moms” who adopted me). Even now, I’ve been told that if someone doesn’t like me, it must be because something is wrong with them, not me.

Yet, too often nowadays, I see children disrespecting adults as if they lack home training. My daughter is very strong-willed and opinionated (like her old man), which tends to get her in trouble with my wife because she still has that immature mindset that tells her that she knows everything. I am constantly reminding her that while she might have a point, saying it with an attitude will get her nowhere. She’s a good child overall, but like many of our youth, has a lot to learn.

And I can’t leave the adults out of this. Many of them could go a long way to make this world better is they knew how to treat other people with courtesy and respect. Some people think that having a title or some authority entitles them to treat everyone else like grade-A crap, but it doesn’t. A kind greeting goes a long way. A pat on the back, a reassuring word, a simple thank – these are things that can uplift someone who’s down. All of us are dealing with a tough economy, loss of income, lack of faith in our own government and life in general. For all you know, a hello and a smile might be all that stands between you and someone ready to climb up to the roof and take a dive. God made us all unique, but that does not give you the right to be an asshole, much less a unique one.

I have no easy solutions to this. Maybe we need to introduce an etiquette class in school so that kids know how they are supposed to act. Maybe parents need to get their act together and teach their kids that disrespect in any way, shape or form is not acceptable. Maybe every person should be required to do one year of military service (now that’s a place to learn discipline!). I know: we can add a Department of Etiquette and Manners to the government, with Miss Manners as the Secretary.

Once upon a time, I worked at BellSouth as a customer service rep. Of all the things that I learned from there (many of them bad & demoralizing, by the way), I did keep one thing that my trainer taught me, and that was this: “It’s never about how the conversation starts. It’s always about how that person feels by the time the conversation ends.”

S*** Happens

With the Easter weekend approaching quickly, the voices in my head are conflicted about what to write, though we've all agreed that it will be on religion (cue evil music). So, to keep you amused in the meantime, I'm posting a little item that I found entitled "S*** Happens In Various World Religions." Enjoy!

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S*** Happens - The Religious Viewpoints

Taoism
S*** happens, go with the flow.

Hare Krishna
S*** happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.

Hinduism
This s*** has happened before.

Islam
S*** happening is the will of Allah.

Zen
What is the sound of s*** happening?

Existentialism
S*** doesn't happen; s*** is.

Buddhism
When s*** happens, is it really s***?

Confucianism
Confucius says, "S*** happens".

7th Day Adventist
S*** happens on Saturdays.

Protestantism
S*** won't happen if you work harder.

Catholicism
If s*** happens, you deserved it.

Jehovah's Witnesses
No s*** happens until Armageddon, and it won't happen to us.

Unitarian
What is this s***?

Mormon
S*** happens again & again & again.

Judaism
Why does this s*** always happen to us?

Pentacostalism
Praise the s***!

Atheism
There is no s***!

New Age
S*** happens and it happens to smell good if you open your heart to it.

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this s***.

Advice Worth Keeping (And Passing On)

ad•vice [ad-vahys] (noun) – 1. an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc. 2. a communication, especially from a distance, containing information.

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.” (Oscar Wilde)

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I received an email forwarded to me from a colleague who was a Vietnam veteran. The email was a message addressed to those who serve or have served in the military entitled “Brotherhood” and provided advice and inspiration that I felt should be shared. After all, how can one strive to improve themselves and not give others the same opportunity, right?

Naturally, I broke it down and put my little spin on it.

So, read it and apply as you see fit. Even if you don’t apply it, pass it on. You never know whose life you just might save by doing so.

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Be the kind of person that, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, “Oh, crap! [insert your name here]’s up!”

Life is too short to wake up with regrets, so love the people who treat you right and forgive the ones who don't, just because you can.

Whether you believe it or not, there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. When something bad happens to you, instead of whining “Why me?”, ask “What can I learn from this?”

If you get a second chance at something, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.

Take a few minutes to think before you act when you’re mad.

Forgive quickly and honestly.

Stand up to be seen, speak up to be heard, and shut up to be appreciated.

There’s a woman out there who, depending on who you are, can be the sweetest lady or the nastiest bitch you ever met, and she’s always watching you. You may have heard of her. Her name’s Karma.

Never envy what someone else has. You never know what price they paid to get it.

Money is like a gun. If you don’t know how to use it properly, it can backfire on you.

When done properly, silence makes more of a statement than the longest sentence you can speak.

Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the ability to face it head-on. Anyone who says they have no fear is either a fool or insane and should be avoided at all costs.

And remember this: God never said that life would be easy. He just said that it would be worth it.

2010: Looking Back… and Going Forward

“New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” (Mark Twain)

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So, how was 2010 for you?

For me, it wasn’t that bad. Could’ve been better. Could’ve been worse. But as the ball dropped in Times Square, ushering in a new year for every person on the planet, I decided that I needed to reflect on what I said I would do in 2010 and whether I actually did it. At least that way, I can start my own scorecard. You might want to do the same. After all, how can progress be measured if no one is willing to see what happened the last time, right?

Losing Weight

According to many articles that I’ve read, the number one resolution for the new year is (surprise) to get physically fit. This, of course, is why gym memberships surge at the beginning of the year and then become wastelands by Valentine’s Day. Gyms know this, though, and they count on it as a business model.

I wanted to lose weight and be more physically fit. I have a gym membership. See the correlation?

So, how did I do? Well, I lost 40 pounds, then gained back 20, then lost 5. I can wear a 38 (which for now counts as my skinny jeans). I dropped an X from my short size, though I still have two more to go. My back, which has issues due to herniated disks, stopped me from going all out, but I can at least say that progress was made.

Result: Did It!
2011 Promise: Lose more.

Learn a New Language

This usually falls in line with learning something new, which on average is the seventh or eighth resolution on someone’s list.

How did this work for me? Let’s put it this way… if I had to leave the country because the Girl Scouts have placed me on their Top Ten Most Wanted for my comments on Twilight and Bella Swan in particular, and had to pick out a country that I know I could survive in because I know the language, I’d have to go to Canada. The English-speaking side.

Result: Epic Fail!
2011 Promise: Try Again. Rosetta Stone, here I come!

Get Rid of Debt

Debt is the monster in our closets and under our beds. It is the primary cause of many people losing their bloody minds. It destroys marriages at the same rate as affairs. And it isn’t going away, especially in this economy.

Earlier last year, the CARD Act was passed by the government as a way to help consumers on the path to get out of debt. Of course, it required the banks to play by the rules. Instead, they made getting credit harder, reduced the limits on thousands of users or take the cards away, raise the interest rates, and even do things like eliminate free checking accounts (the lesson: when you own the ball and you don’t like the rules, you can say screw you, take the ball and go home).

But I digress. How did I do?

Well, on one hand, my credit card debt is down. My savings went up… and down… and up… and down… and a little up. But my house is still underwater (owe more than it’s worth), so it’s kind of a toss up.

Result: Middle of the Road.
2011 Promise: Get off the middle of the road and teach the kids how to do it earlier than I learned.

Go Someplace I’ve Never Been Before

I’ll keep this one short. Went to Kennedy Space Center for the first time (yay!) and St. Petersburg, Florida (yay!) to see my niece and her hubby graduate law school (triple yay!).

Result: Did It!
2011 Promise: Do it again. Duh!

Write A Book

Sigh. I really shouldn’t go here, but I must.

I was bad. Very, very bad. I really want to start this one.

Alas… I didn’t do it. Not one word. Really. I mean it.

I did write a few articles for this blog, but that was to get the ideas flowing in my head. And they are… but I did not put them on paper, where it counts. I even signed up for NaNoWriMo, hoping that it would force me to write, but I let other things get in the way. I can forgive myself a little, only because my back also caused a lot of problems which even using the laptop didn’t help.

Result: Fail (not an Epic Fail, but still)!
2011 Promise: Get off my [censored] and do it! And no, a blog doesn’t count! But I will be putting out more articles this year. So far, I’ve got the technical ones started. It’s called I Pwn You! and I hope that it helps many of those out there with making your technical lives a little easier. And if not, then I hope Canada will accept me. I Pwn You! will start… oh, that’s right, I already started it! Stay tuned for more articles on Wednesdays.

Overall, I did okay. My #1 resolution for 2010 – Live To See 2011. Did It!!! Big win in the books!!!

Progress is the measuring stick by which humanity is judged! So what did you accomplish? If you did something, then congratulations. If you didn’t and you’re still alive, then it’s not too late.

If you didn’t and you’re dead… and you’re reading this article, just keep in mind that the shotgun is fully loaded.