Regret Me Not

“You see, there is only one constant. One universal. It is the only real truth. Causality. Action, reaction. Cause and effect.” (The Merovingian, “The Matrix: Reloaded”)

“If ‘ifs’ were fifths, we’d all be drunk.” (Author unknown)

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[A big thanks to my good friend, Jessica, for this topic. --Ed]

It has taken me 40 years to say this, but I can actually do so with a humble, yet cheesy smile: I do not regret who I am.

Don’t get me wrong. That does not mean that I haven’t done things that I regretted. It doesn’t mean that I have never done anything embarrassing, illegal (the stupid kind, not the felony kind), or both. It doesn’t mean that I have no enemies, anxiously waiting for me to fail or screw up. And it certainly doesn’t mean that my life is perfect and that I have no major concerns or worries.

But I honestly don’t regret who I am.

I wasn’t always this way, or course. Over the majority of my life, I often repeated this same phrase: “If this hadn’t happened, things would be different.” I’m sure that many people say or have said the same thing. It’s easy to say and even easier to believe, because something deep inside of us knows that the world is not going to give anyone a break but there has to be something better than this. It’s that same drive that keeps us going, no matter how bleak our circumstances are.

All of us have a word for it. Hope.

Over time, I made choices, both good and bad. Some of them were brilliant. Some of them were downright stupid. And again, the “if” sentence would rise like a phoenix from the ashes of the past.

If my parents hadn’t divorced…
If I had stayed in New York…
If I had chosen to live with my father instead of my mother…
If I had joined the military…
If I stayed in the engineering program instead of going into computer science…
If I had taken the job offer in New York instead of deciding to continue my college education…
If I had pursued my Master’s degree right away…
If I had waited longer to get married…

If. If. If! I think at this point, if “ifs” were fifths, I’d be in a hospital dying of alcohol poisoning.

I think the turning point for me was about six months ago. One of my best friends, Donna, reminded me of a passage in the Bible that really hit it home for me. It was Romans 8:28:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

She broke it down to me like this: “All of your experiences shaped you into the man you are today. Let’s say that things happened differently. Would you guarantee that you would still be the same person that you are right now?”

After I thought about the question, I knew the answer.

I wouldn’t be as compassionate for my fellow man as I am now. I would’ve been cockier (and probably an asshole on top of that). I wouldn’t have been as appreciative of the little things. I’m sure that my viewpoint on fairness wouldn’t exist. I would be more close-minded. My view of loyalty would be less defined. I would have never started on my spiritual journey when I did, if ever. And, on top of all that, I would have missed out on all of the wonderful people that I know and love.

I would not be the man that God is shaping me to become.

So, for those of you who are struggling with your pasts, wondering if you made the right decisions or if you should’ve taken another road, always remember that all things have a way of working themselves out, especially if you have faith. None of us are immune to causality. Faith just makes it easier to bear.

Plus, if you are someone that I call friend, cousin, brother or sister, then that means that no matter what happened to you or what decision you made, it made you into some that I actually like. As picky as I am, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Seriously though, always remember that until you are dead, you are a work-in-progress. And by the time God’s done with you, you’ll see yourself as the beautiful and wonderfully made being that He envisioned you to be from Day 1.

Advice Worth Keeping (And Passing On)

ad•vice [ad-vahys] (noun) – 1. an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc. 2. a communication, especially from a distance, containing information.

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.” (Oscar Wilde)

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I received an email forwarded to me from a colleague who was a Vietnam veteran. The email was a message addressed to those who serve or have served in the military entitled “Brotherhood” and provided advice and inspiration that I felt should be shared. After all, how can one strive to improve themselves and not give others the same opportunity, right?

Naturally, I broke it down and put my little spin on it.

So, read it and apply as you see fit. Even if you don’t apply it, pass it on. You never know whose life you just might save by doing so.

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Be the kind of person that, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, “Oh, crap! [insert your name here]’s up!”

Life is too short to wake up with regrets, so love the people who treat you right and forgive the ones who don't, just because you can.

Whether you believe it or not, there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. When something bad happens to you, instead of whining “Why me?”, ask “What can I learn from this?”

If you get a second chance at something, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it.

Take a few minutes to think before you act when you’re mad.

Forgive quickly and honestly.

Stand up to be seen, speak up to be heard, and shut up to be appreciated.

There’s a woman out there who, depending on who you are, can be the sweetest lady or the nastiest bitch you ever met, and she’s always watching you. You may have heard of her. Her name’s Karma.

Never envy what someone else has. You never know what price they paid to get it.

Money is like a gun. If you don’t know how to use it properly, it can backfire on you.

When done properly, silence makes more of a statement than the longest sentence you can speak.

Courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the ability to face it head-on. Anyone who says they have no fear is either a fool or insane and should be avoided at all costs.

And remember this: God never said that life would be easy. He just said that it would be worth it.