Lest We Forget - 9/11

10 years ago, I was at work when I heard the news. At the time, we had a customer service area on our floor, so I walked over and looked at the television which was repeating over and over about a plane slamming into one of the towers of the World Trade Center.

My first thought was: Is this a movie commercial? This can’t be real. Nobody’s crazy enough to do this.

I was waiting for something, anything that indicated that it wasn’t real. That this was a 2001 version of the War of the Worlds radio show that terrorized everyone into thinking that a real Martian invasion was happening, playing on our fears of the unknown. But it never came.

Then the second crash happened. Tears rolled down my eyes. New York was where I was born and raised and watching this happen was like watching a relative getting shot and killed.

I started calling all of the family I had there. My brother, aunt, and many cousins called New York home. And with each message from the automated message saying that all circuits were busy, I grew more and more worried. As I reached out to the other family members outside of New York, I realized I was not alone in thinking this.

I would be several hours before we heard from everyone in New York. I was glad to hear that they were okay. I was even gladder to hear that one of my cousins, who worked in Tower Two, survived because he was late for work that morning.

Of course, in that time, the towers had fallen like Icarus from New York's skyline, the Pentagon was similarly attacked, and a plane that was heading for the White House to do the same was diverted thanks to the passengers who decided that if they were going to die, it would be by their terms and not on the terms of terrorists.

I was saddened by the thought that I would never again see the towers greet me whenever I flew into New York. But that’s nothing compared to those who lost their lives because someone chose that day to inspire fear into our hearts. And that is nothing compared to those of us who chose to show that we would not allow fear to dominate our spirit.

Are we better for 9/11? The opinions will differ depending on who you ask. But one thing is for sure. We were changed by that day. Our country united like never before because we would not, could not let them win. At the same time, we hardened ourselves to the point where things like torture and detaining prisoners without trial became debated rather than remaining absolute lines that we would not cross because we were supposed to be better.

To those who lost someone that day, you have my love, sympathy and prayers. They will never be forgotten.

Regret Me Not

“You see, there is only one constant. One universal. It is the only real truth. Causality. Action, reaction. Cause and effect.” (The Merovingian, “The Matrix: Reloaded”)

“If ‘ifs’ were fifths, we’d all be drunk.” (Author unknown)

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[A big thanks to my good friend, Jessica, for this topic. --Ed]

It has taken me 40 years to say this, but I can actually do so with a humble, yet cheesy smile: I do not regret who I am.

Don’t get me wrong. That does not mean that I haven’t done things that I regretted. It doesn’t mean that I have never done anything embarrassing, illegal (the stupid kind, not the felony kind), or both. It doesn’t mean that I have no enemies, anxiously waiting for me to fail or screw up. And it certainly doesn’t mean that my life is perfect and that I have no major concerns or worries.

But I honestly don’t regret who I am.

I wasn’t always this way, or course. Over the majority of my life, I often repeated this same phrase: “If this hadn’t happened, things would be different.” I’m sure that many people say or have said the same thing. It’s easy to say and even easier to believe, because something deep inside of us knows that the world is not going to give anyone a break but there has to be something better than this. It’s that same drive that keeps us going, no matter how bleak our circumstances are.

All of us have a word for it. Hope.

Over time, I made choices, both good and bad. Some of them were brilliant. Some of them were downright stupid. And again, the “if” sentence would rise like a phoenix from the ashes of the past.

If my parents hadn’t divorced…
If I had stayed in New York…
If I had chosen to live with my father instead of my mother…
If I had joined the military…
If I stayed in the engineering program instead of going into computer science…
If I had taken the job offer in New York instead of deciding to continue my college education…
If I had pursued my Master’s degree right away…
If I had waited longer to get married…

If. If. If! I think at this point, if “ifs” were fifths, I’d be in a hospital dying of alcohol poisoning.

I think the turning point for me was about six months ago. One of my best friends, Donna, reminded me of a passage in the Bible that really hit it home for me. It was Romans 8:28:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

She broke it down to me like this: “All of your experiences shaped you into the man you are today. Let’s say that things happened differently. Would you guarantee that you would still be the same person that you are right now?”

After I thought about the question, I knew the answer.

I wouldn’t be as compassionate for my fellow man as I am now. I would’ve been cockier (and probably an asshole on top of that). I wouldn’t have been as appreciative of the little things. I’m sure that my viewpoint on fairness wouldn’t exist. I would be more close-minded. My view of loyalty would be less defined. I would have never started on my spiritual journey when I did, if ever. And, on top of all that, I would have missed out on all of the wonderful people that I know and love.

I would not be the man that God is shaping me to become.

So, for those of you who are struggling with your pasts, wondering if you made the right decisions or if you should’ve taken another road, always remember that all things have a way of working themselves out, especially if you have faith. None of us are immune to causality. Faith just makes it easier to bear.

Plus, if you are someone that I call friend, cousin, brother or sister, then that means that no matter what happened to you or what decision you made, it made you into some that I actually like. As picky as I am, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Seriously though, always remember that until you are dead, you are a work-in-progress. And by the time God’s done with you, you’ll see yourself as the beautiful and wonderfully made being that He envisioned you to be from Day 1.

2010: Looking Back… and Going Forward

“New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” (Mark Twain)

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So, how was 2010 for you?

For me, it wasn’t that bad. Could’ve been better. Could’ve been worse. But as the ball dropped in Times Square, ushering in a new year for every person on the planet, I decided that I needed to reflect on what I said I would do in 2010 and whether I actually did it. At least that way, I can start my own scorecard. You might want to do the same. After all, how can progress be measured if no one is willing to see what happened the last time, right?

Losing Weight

According to many articles that I’ve read, the number one resolution for the new year is (surprise) to get physically fit. This, of course, is why gym memberships surge at the beginning of the year and then become wastelands by Valentine’s Day. Gyms know this, though, and they count on it as a business model.

I wanted to lose weight and be more physically fit. I have a gym membership. See the correlation?

So, how did I do? Well, I lost 40 pounds, then gained back 20, then lost 5. I can wear a 38 (which for now counts as my skinny jeans). I dropped an X from my short size, though I still have two more to go. My back, which has issues due to herniated disks, stopped me from going all out, but I can at least say that progress was made.

Result: Did It!
2011 Promise: Lose more.

Learn a New Language

This usually falls in line with learning something new, which on average is the seventh or eighth resolution on someone’s list.

How did this work for me? Let’s put it this way… if I had to leave the country because the Girl Scouts have placed me on their Top Ten Most Wanted for my comments on Twilight and Bella Swan in particular, and had to pick out a country that I know I could survive in because I know the language, I’d have to go to Canada. The English-speaking side.

Result: Epic Fail!
2011 Promise: Try Again. Rosetta Stone, here I come!

Get Rid of Debt

Debt is the monster in our closets and under our beds. It is the primary cause of many people losing their bloody minds. It destroys marriages at the same rate as affairs. And it isn’t going away, especially in this economy.

Earlier last year, the CARD Act was passed by the government as a way to help consumers on the path to get out of debt. Of course, it required the banks to play by the rules. Instead, they made getting credit harder, reduced the limits on thousands of users or take the cards away, raise the interest rates, and even do things like eliminate free checking accounts (the lesson: when you own the ball and you don’t like the rules, you can say screw you, take the ball and go home).

But I digress. How did I do?

Well, on one hand, my credit card debt is down. My savings went up… and down… and up… and down… and a little up. But my house is still underwater (owe more than it’s worth), so it’s kind of a toss up.

Result: Middle of the Road.
2011 Promise: Get off the middle of the road and teach the kids how to do it earlier than I learned.

Go Someplace I’ve Never Been Before

I’ll keep this one short. Went to Kennedy Space Center for the first time (yay!) and St. Petersburg, Florida (yay!) to see my niece and her hubby graduate law school (triple yay!).

Result: Did It!
2011 Promise: Do it again. Duh!

Write A Book

Sigh. I really shouldn’t go here, but I must.

I was bad. Very, very bad. I really want to start this one.

Alas… I didn’t do it. Not one word. Really. I mean it.

I did write a few articles for this blog, but that was to get the ideas flowing in my head. And they are… but I did not put them on paper, where it counts. I even signed up for NaNoWriMo, hoping that it would force me to write, but I let other things get in the way. I can forgive myself a little, only because my back also caused a lot of problems which even using the laptop didn’t help.

Result: Fail (not an Epic Fail, but still)!
2011 Promise: Get off my [censored] and do it! And no, a blog doesn’t count! But I will be putting out more articles this year. So far, I’ve got the technical ones started. It’s called I Pwn You! and I hope that it helps many of those out there with making your technical lives a little easier. And if not, then I hope Canada will accept me. I Pwn You! will start… oh, that’s right, I already started it! Stay tuned for more articles on Wednesdays.

Overall, I did okay. My #1 resolution for 2010 – Live To See 2011. Did It!!! Big win in the books!!!

Progress is the measuring stick by which humanity is judged! So what did you accomplish? If you did something, then congratulations. If you didn’t and you’re still alive, then it’s not too late.

If you didn’t and you’re dead… and you’re reading this article, just keep in mind that the shotgun is fully loaded.