I Pwn You! Part I: Hiding The Keys To The Kingdom

pass·word [pas-wurd, pahs-wurd] (noun) - 1. a secret word or expression used by authorized persons to prove their right to access, information, etc. 2. a word or other string of characters, sometimes kept secret or confidential, that must be supplied by a user in order to gain full or partial access to a multiuser computer system or its data resources.

“Computers have enabled people to make more mistakes faster than almost any invention in history, with the possible exception of tequila and hand guns.” (Mitch Radcliffe)

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This is the first of a series of articles designed to provide you with the common sense to survive the digital age that we live in. This does not imply that you are an idiot, but I've been wrong before.

There are many traditions that are celebrated for the New Year. Many of us sit in front of the TV and watch the immortal Dick Clark (I think I will die before he does) count us down into the New Year. Some will be in church, getting in that last-minute Hail Mary to make up for that little thing they did the hour before they got there.

But I'm sure that many millions of people will be on their computers, buried in Facebook status updates wishing everyone of their Friends a Happy New Year or tweeting it to their vast legion of followers. So, for those of you who live on the Net or pay it the occasional visit, here’s your new New Year’s tradition in three words:

Change.
Your.
Password.
Now.

Okay, that’s four. Sue me. Glad to see that kindergarten paid off for you.

I can hear the groans now. And, oh, the complaints. I’ve heard them all:

“I’ve used this for years.”
“I don’t have time.”
“I might forget this one.”
“I don’t wanna!”

I don’t care. I really don’t. Take Nike’s advice: Just do it.

Let’s face it, kiddies. We live in a digital world now. Almost everyone is online now. I’m sure that days ago, many people just got their first computer for Christmas and, like a kid who just got his new bike, went squealing feet first into the internet so they could tweet and Friend everyone.

But the Net is but a digital mirror image of real life. Like real life, the internet is fraught with hidden dangers. I’ll go through them as this series progresses, but nothing irritates me more than people who use simple passwords on their accounts. Your password is the first line of defense that most black hat hackers (aka The Bad Guys, who will now be referred to as BHHs) have to breach to get access to those bytes of information that stand between you and your bank accounts and credit cards.

Fun Fact #1: The most common password used today is “123456”.

Think of it like this: using a simple password is the equivalent of putting your spare house key under the carpet on the porch just before you go on vacation, then yelling to the top of your lungs to the neighborhood that you’ll be gone for a week.

Most of the time, BHHs will try simple passwords to break into user accounts. If there are, for example, 1 million people who have a username and password on a web site, maybe 1% of those people will use a simple password like “123456”. That would mean that 10,000 people risk having their accounts hacked.

I know. Not a lot of people, right? But keep in mind that BHHs will use faster-than-average computers to do this. So, something that would take several weeks for one person to do can be done in minutes.

Fun Fact #2: The second most common password in use today is (surprise) “password”.

Statistically, many users will use the same password to access their e-mail as well as their online bank accounts and credit card accounts. This would mean that a determined BHH who acquires that one simple password has the keys to your kingdom. Usually, they will not only run through the kingdom unchecked, but they’ll bring their friends along to play, too. Before you know it, you’ll be getting calls from creditors about the $5,000 you owe on a credit card you never knew you had.

Scared yet? Good.

The good news is that you can still do something about it. So here are the rules that you will follow from now on regarding your rules. Note that if you don’t follow them and something happens, it’s all your fault, so pay attention.

1. Never use a password shorter than seven characters.
   It’s tempting to use short words as passwords, but here’s why you should not do it. Let’s say you create a password for your account that uses lower-cases letters, like “fluffy” because that’s the name of your cat. Using a standard PC, a BHH can crack this in less than 30 seconds. Make it as long as possible, preferably seven or more characters.
   
   
2. Never use personal information as a password.
   Another temptation, which I used in the above example, is to use a name of a favorite something or other. Why not? After all, it’s easy to remember. But if I wanted to find out personal information on you, I could go into your Facebook page, click through your information and photos and use those to make some pretty good guesses about what your password might be. And I would have you to thank for it.
   
   Never, ever, ever use the following as a password: your name, your spouse’s name, your parent’s name, your kid’s name, your pet’s name, your best friend’s name, your boss’ name, anybody’s name, your phone number, your license plate, your birth date, anybody’s birth date, or any part of your social security number.
   
   
3. Whether it’s foreign or domestic, don’t use the dictionary.
   What’s wrong with using “purple”, as an example? It’s your favorite color, right? Beside breaking rule #2 above, it’s a common word in the dictionary, which BHHs love to use in their brute force attacks. In fact, it is also one of the 500 worst passwords.
   
   How about “fiesta”? It’s a Spanish word, right? It shouldn’t be that easy to crack, right? Wrong. Maximum time to crack “fiesta”? Thirty seconds.
   
   
4. Never use the same password for every place you log into.
   In this day and age, it’s a pain to have different passwords for everything. So, to keep this simple, use different passwords for different categories. For example, use one password for your financial information. Use another for your newsletters. And another for your e-mail. That way, if you are compromised, the damage will be minimized and contained to one area.
   
   
5. Do not use letters that are next to each other on the keyboard.
   An example of this is “qwerty”, which is the first six letters on your keyboard. This is also in the top five commonly used password list. “123456” fits this bill. So does “kkkkkk”.
   
   
6. Do not use an account number as a password.
   This is common sense. Just don’t.
   
   
7. Use as many characters as possible, including capital letters, small letters, numbers & symbols.
   The more characters you use, the harder it will be to crack. Be as creative as possible.
   
   
8. Change your passwords frequently.
   At the very least, change your password every 90 days. At most, every 30 days. Keep them guessing.
   

Fun Fact #3: Never, ever use the following as a password: “God” (or “god”), “love”, “sex”, “iloveyou”, “tron”, “ncc1701”, “thx1138”, “8675309”, “rosebud”, “letmein”, “7779311”, “666666”, “7777777”, “ou812” or any vulgar word. If you do, I will personally come over and paint the word “IDIOT” on your door.

One method I recommend for creating a tough password is to think of a long phrase, take the first letter of each word, and apply rule #7 to it. So, for example, take the sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”. Using rule #7, I can get many passwords out of this. The following shows the variations as well as how long it would take to crack:

• “tqbfjotld” (initials): 6 days
  
• “Tqbfjotld” (initials, first letter capital): 8 years
  
• “Tqbfj0tld” (initials, first letter capital, zero replacing “o”): 42 years
  
• “Tqbfj0t!d” (initials, first letter capital, zero replacing “o”, exclamation point replacing “l”): 237 years
  

Don’t make it overly complicated. It should be easy enough for you to remember without having to write it down. You should also be able to type it in quickly, which prevents someone from looking over your shoulder and guessing it by what you typed.

So there’s your assignment for the new year. Get to it. And if you’re out there trying to guess what my password is, I wish you good luck. If you’re lucky, it’ll only take you 700 million years, give or take. By then, I won't need it.

Maybe I should give it to Dick Clark.

Giving Thanks

grat·i·tude [grat-i-tood, -tyood] (noun) - the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.

“When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” (Chinese proverb)

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It’s amazing to think that in a little over a month, we will be entering the year 2011. This means, of course, that we are almost two years to doomsday, according to the Mayan calendar.

Since it’s been a while since I’ve written to this blog, then I’m going to use the opportunity I have now to get some thoughts down. And since Thanksgiving is here, instead of the usual commentary on the lack of common sense in the world, I’m going to use this time to give thanks. So let’s begin.

First of all, I have to thank God. I could go into thousands of details in which He has been there for me this year, but I won’t. Suffice it to say, if it weren’t for him stepping in and handling things for me, I wouldn’t be here writing this now. Believe what you want. I do.

Next, but certainly not the least, I’d like to thank my wife of fifteen years for putting up with me for all this time. She has taken on many different roles in that time -- spouse, friend, shrink, cheerleader, counselor, masseuse and coach to name a few -- and she did them with relish, without complaining (most of the time) and with just enough tact to get her point across without making me feel like crap (at least not for too long). A lot of what I’ve done in life could not have been accomplished without her.

Next, I’d like to thank my son and daughter. They make me feel like a superhero. In their eyes, I can accomplish anything. Because of them, I try to.

Friends and family are the next people I’d love to say thanks to. No one can do anything alone, and without support one can find themselves feeling lost and alone. So it goes without saying that those of you who are on this list know who you are, why you are my friend, and that if you need anything from me, just ask.

A couple of things I’m thankful for:

My job. Many people lately have lost theirs lately, and I’m thankful that I still have one to go to.

My intellect. A God-given talent, and one that I exercise as much as possible. Waste not, want not.

My health. It’s not the greatest, but it is sure not the worst. I’m breathing. I can walk under my own power. I can see (yeah, it’s with glasses, but at least I have them). I can hear clearly. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that I’m still here, alive and kicking with steel-toe boots on.

Another year. I’m not old. I’m seasoned. With black pepper and paprika. And I can only get better.

I Want Patience... Now!!!

pa•tience [pey-shuh ns] (noun) – 1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. 2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. 3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence.

“In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.” (W.B. Prescott)

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I was standing in front of forty-six eyeballs that stared at me and stripped me bare of everything that I had in an attempt to decipher what I was going to tell them. Next to me was the woman who, at one time, seemed to be so old to me but now I realize wasn’t old at all. She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.

“Class, this is Luc Joseph,” Mrs. Pino said with a smile. “He was one of my brightest students. I asked him to come here to talk to all of you who are thinking about college.”

“Hello,” I waved. “Instead of me just telling you about it and hoping that I get everything, how about we just start with questions. Anyone?”

And it began.

Where did I go to college? How long? Were there parties? Did you commute or stay on campus? Did guys and girls live in the same dorm? What did you say about the parties?

On and on it went. But there was one question that stuck out to me because I think it was the only specific question directed at me that needed a really well-thought-out opinion. The question was “Since you’re a programmer, what is your advice to someone who wants to pursue a degree in technology?”

I’d be lying if I said I had to think about it. The answer, at least to me, was obvious.

“If you don’t have patience, then don’t do it.” That was my answer.

Patience, in my view, is a skill that it needed more than ever, yet is taught less and less. We live in a society of instant gratification. Everything is about now, now, now. Not later. Not a minute from now. Now!

Investing money in the start market? I want my dividends now!

Starting a business? I want to be a millionaire now!

Going on a date? Let's have sex now!

Surfing the internet? I need that download now!

I know I’m old. I can remember when I got my first computer. It came with a modem for surfing the Net. I set it up to connect to AOL, pressed the dial button on the screen, then waited as the modem dialed a local number, connected through a serious of weird noises that I would be ashamed to even try to duplicate (called, affectionately enough, a “handshake”), and then began to download the AOL start screen. This took a while (understatement of the decade), but I dealt with it. If my kids had to endure it now, they would swear that they were undergoing torture.

Even now, where I work, we have users who call us when it takes more than 10 seconds for a web page to load. “The computer’s too slow,” they cry. “It’s taking too long.”

We hear it all the time. Good things come to those who wait. Patience is a virtue. Yet, I think we are in the midst of the most impatient generation in history. Instant coffee, microwave ovens, fast food and broadband internet have created Generation Now. They want their children to walk and talk now (never mind that once that happens, all they’ll tell the kids is to sit down and shut up). They don’t want their MTV because, on the computer, their music and videos come up instantly. Even MTV doesn’t want their MTV anymore.

It has also lead to a generation that doesn’t consider the consequences of their actions. Since they make their decisions (say it with me) now, they hardly have time to consider (1) alternatives or (2) repercussions. They don’t take the time to think anymore. Everything’s on autopilot, and the autopilot’s fueled by caffeine and burger binges brought on by Mickey D’s and Starbucks lattes.

Even worse, they get mad when you take the time to think (gasp) and consider your actions (gasp again). I know I frustrate my kids with this, because they want an answer now, and my answer is, “I’ll think about it and get back to you.” But there's a balance to this. They’re frustrated. I’m happy. See? It balances out.

But I have hope. I think that patience comes with time. The older you get, the more patience you develop. So who knows? In another decade or two (it won’t happen now) Generation Now will become Generation Hold-On-A-Sec.

And when it does, I will be there to say, gushing with pride, “Get off my lawn! Now!!!”

You Can Dish It Out, But Can You Take It?

crit·i·cism [krit-uh-siz-uhm] (noun) - 1. the act of passing judgment as to the merits of anything. 2. the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding.

“One mustn’t criticize other people on grounds where he can’t stand perpendicular himself.” (Mark Twain)

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Here’s a scenario I would like for you to imagine. It is the year 1512. Michelangelo, a renowned painter and sculpture, had just put in the finishing touch on his work on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Four years of blood, sweat and tears spent on such an intricate piece of work. As he wiped the sweat from his brow and took a deep breath, the Pope walks in. The exhausted painter steps back, proud of his work and lets the pontiff take it in.

Four years. 300 figures, all rendered in painstaking detail. The ultimate rendition of the doctrine, painted on a curved ceiling more than 65 feet in the air and almost 46 feet wide. All done on a customized scaffold designed by the artist himself. All detail rendered while standing up, his head craned back very uncomfortably. Even as he patiently waits, he massages the back of his stiff neck.

The Pope turns to the artist, lets out a sigh, then points to a small spot somewhere in the midst of the painting and says disappointingly, “You missed a spot.”

While this scenario did not happen, I know that a lot of us go through situations just like this. We all have people who love to do nothing more than to criticize every single thing you do. It could be a parent, a sibling, a friend, your best friend, your boss, your neighbor, or anyone in between. If you are a pet owner, it’s usually the cat. Just for the record, it’s never the dog.

We would like to avoid them, but we can’t. Like the drunk uncle at the Christmas party, they always show up at the right moment to kill the mood.

“Look at my kitchen remodeling job,” you say with pride.
“That doesn’t look like oak wood,” they say, hands on hips.
“Well, yeah, but look at the new stove,” you say, trying your best to stay calm.
“Why did you get a gas stove?” they ask even as they pass their eyes over it.
“Gas is cheaper and more efficient,” you answer with a nervous laugh. “Besides, you can’t say the refrigerator isn’t nice.”
“Is that stainless steel?” they ask.
“Yes,” you nod approvingly.
“Do you know how hard stainless steel is to clean?” they comment.

Why do some people do this? Oftentimes, it’s to make themselves feel superior to others. They have a need to be perfect, and what better way to feel that way than to look for fault in others. Here’s the irony: those that criticize harshly cannot deal with criticism. Even while they try to knock you down, in most cases they are the ones with fragile self-esteem. They are the ones who feel that they are worthless. So rather than acknowledge this, they would rather make themselves feel better by making you feel worse.

But the instant you say something about them, they suddenly become defensive, dismissive, and downright hostile. Suddenly, you have nothing to say that they want to hear.

“Look at my new $400 purse,” they boast while displaying it, making sure that the name brand is visible. “It was on sale this weekend.”
“$400? Isn’t that a little steep?” you ask, concerned.
“Don’t be jealous,” they say after sucking their teeth. “Besides, I work hard. I deserve it.”
“It’s not that,” you say, “but didn’t you just say that it was hard for you to pay your bills this month? $400 could go a long way in fixing that.”
“I don’t want to hear it!” they shout defensively while glaring daggers at you. “You don’t know what you're talking about! I’m keeping it, and that’s that!”

I believe in the power of constructive criticism. If I make a comment, it’s not to tear someone down or knock the wind out of their sails. I’ll throw in encouragement and understanding along with the comment. I admit that I do stand on the philosophy of brutal honesty with those that I love or associate myself with, but I do it with love.

In turn, I expect the same thing from them. In fact, I encourage it. I can’t tolerate yes-people. If I’m doing something that's stupid, just come up to me, hit me on the back of the head, and say, “That was stupid.” Even if I get mad at the moment, I will come to my senses sooner than later. Then we can hug it out or something.

In the Bible, Matthew 7:1-5 talks about this:

¹“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
³“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.”

In essence, it says that we should never look at others down our noses and think we are better than the next man. None - I repeat and emphasize, none - of us are perfect. All of us have our faults, and if we judge others with the intent to maliciously nitpick on all of their faults in an effort to boost our sense of superiority, then we should expect the same thing to be done to us.

So if you have to say something, say it constructively. Offer solutions, encouragement, or just simple understanding. Offer it with love and respect. Otherwise, you might as well slap the person in the face.

Remember, what comes around goes around. Can you take it when it comes back?

Playing With Fire, a.k.a. A Letter To Rev. Terry Jones

“Intolerance betrays want of faith in one’s cause.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

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Dear Rev. Terry Jones,

By now, you have let every news outlet in the country know that your plan for International Burn a Koran Day on September 11th will continue. You have made it clear that you will do this despite being denied a permit to do so, despite the departure of several members of your church who disagreed with this course of action, and that you would do this even if former President George W. Bush, who you claimed to respect, asked you not to.

Now, don’t me wrong. I am a strong believer in the Constitution. You feel that your first amendment rights give you the right to do this, and I could not disagree with that. You are also using the freedom of religion card, and again, I could not disagree with that. And since I don’t trust George Bush, I definitely cannot begrudge you for that.

However, I do believe that, in the realm of common sense, what you are doing is morally irresponsible and downright stupid.

For a man who claims to be following the will of God, your actions show otherwise. I know that there are several passages in the Bible show how God struck out at the enemies of His people, so I’m sure that you could use this as justification for what you're about to do. But in many of these passages, it was shown that these acts were done by Him, not for him. Don't believe me? Check out Romans 12:19:

“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”

I’m not exactly a Bible scholar, but I think it says to let Him handle these things.

I know people who agree with you, Pastor Jones. A friend of mine said that since they love to burn our flags and burn effigies, they should get to see what it’s like. Another said that this will show them that we are not afraid.

The problem with this is that hate can never conquer hate. It only feeds it. Darkness cannot dispel darkness. Only light can do that. And if you notice, even the smallest light can dispel the deepest darkness. If we as a nation, as a people, are to show that we are stronger and better, we can only do that by being stronger than our emotions and better than our impulses. We should the example, not play Follow the Leader. What you are doing is the equivalent of a pissing contest.

Here’s another dose of common sense: every action has an equal reaction. You want to send a message. By burning a Koran, what do you think the reaction will be? How mad would you be if someone burned the Bible? Think about it!

You’re safe in Gainesville, but what about American soldiers and civilians who are not within America’s borders? What do you think will happen to those people who are deployed in Muslim countries when this act occurs? Think they get to escape the repercussions of your actions?

This is not about personal freedoms. What it is about is responsibility. The only way to show that we deserve something is to show that we are capable of handling it responsibly and accept the consequences when we are irresponsible. Face it, Pastor Jones, if anything happens to those people due to this, it's on your head, whether you like it or not. And we all know that God does not like ugly.

I know that nothing will stop you from doing this. Ignorance never needs a reason to be what it is, after all. So, rather than hate you, I’m going to pray for you. To paraphrase Jesus, I'm going to ask God to forgive you, not because you don't know what you're doing, but because someone said that He is the God of children and fools, and obviously you are not a child.

Enjoy your book burning, Pastor Jones. Enjoy your fifteen minutes. When it’s all said and done, you’ll have a few people on your side, a lot of people who will be disappointed, and a hell of a lot of Muslims with axes to grind into your skull. But when you find time to get off your high horse, just remember two things, okay?

First, those that play with fire often get burned.

Second, the last time a “famous” book burning occurred was in 1933. The place: Berlin, Germany. The reason: Nazi efforts to control the population disguised as national pride.

So, when history looks back at this, you’ll be in great company. Just thought you should know.

Your Mind Is A Closed Book

closed-mind·ed (adj) - Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas.

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood.” (Chinese proverb)

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How are we supposed to be in an age of enlightenment and information, yet there are so many closed-minded, intolerant and ignorant people?

You know them. Everyone has one. It might be your best friend, your girlfriend, or your neighbor. It's just like the saying goes: “There's always one.”

You want to avoid them like the flu, but you can't. They will draw you into the stupidest of arguments. What's worse is that these are arguments you cannot win, because they are so closed-minded that logic is unable to gain a foothold in their minds. They cannot accept the possibility that there is something more than what they think. To them, they are right and their way of thinking is the only way of thinking. You, sir or lady, are the one with the problem. Not them.

How can you convince a person who thinks they're right all the time? You can't. Banging your head against the wall would get better results, plus the headache's not as bad.

If you look at the world, anyone with half-a-brain could see that our progress was only possible when people looked beyond what was there and asked themselves an important question: “What if?”

Where would we be if early man had not designed tools to make his life easier? Who among you is glad that someone thought that computing power, which would easily fill a large room from wall-to-wall, could be miniaturized, leading to cell phones, PDAs and Playstations? Hell, everyone who caught an STD should be on their knees thanking Alexander Fleming for discovering penicillin from (of all things) mold.

I could go on and on about it, but closed-minded people would never get the point. So, here's a list of people that I consider to be very closed-minded. If you're open-minded, you'll agree with the list and could probably add in some names of your own. If you're closed-minded, you're in great company.

• The people who are protesting the building of a Islamic prayer center two blocks from Ground Zero in New York
• Religious bigots
• The Birthers, who are still convinced that President Barack Obama is not an American citizen
• The majority of commentators on Fox News
• The preacher in Gainesville who wants to host an “International Burn a Koran Day” on September 11th
  
• Skinheads
• Racists and bigots, period
• Sharron Angle, GOP challenger for Senator in Nevada, who believes that a woman should not have an abortion even if she was raped
• Sarah Palin (does this really need an explanation?)
• The Vatican, who recently listed the ordination of women as a grave crime and who still drag their feet when it comes to their priests sexually abusing little boys
• The idiots in MTV who decided that the “M” no longer stood for “Music”
• The idiots in MTV who came up with The Jersey Shore (no, scratch that. They're not closed-minded, but they have committed a crime against humanity and should be punished accordingly)
• The people in the state of Florida who wrote the law that allows homosexuals to be foster parents, but won't let them adopt
• The Pentagon officials who refuse to budge on banning gays in the military
• The people who once thought the Earth was flat
• The people who once thought the Earth was the center of the universe
• People who do not believe in evolution
• People who still think slavery was a good thing
• People who stick with a brand and won't even consider buying another brand that might be better
• The idiots who burned construction equipment at a future Islamic center in Tennessee
• Anyone who admires the Nazis
• Anyone who denies that the Holocaust happened
• The idiot who decided to put live action shows on Cartoon Network (it's called Cartoon Network, dammit! However, Adult Swim is excluded from this)
  
• The music industry, for not giving artists what they really deserve
• The movie industry, for not giving more major roles to people of other ethnicities (i.e., The Last Airbender) because they think it won't sell

I'm sure I've missed quite a bit of people on this list, but common sense tells me that those that get it will have people of their own who they can add to the list and those that don't will be in denial anyway.

Common sense advice: Open your mind to the possibilities out there. You can't know everything. Even if you're convinced you do.

It's A Gay Marriage Thing

Gay marriage - also referred to as same-sex marriage; a legally or socially recognized marriage between two persons of the same biological sex or social gender.

“Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.” (Bill Maher)

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[Cue birds singing, violin playing romantic music]

My first crush was in 1st grade. Her name was Maria Teresa Hernandez. She was a year older than me because I managed to skip kindergarten and was promoted to 1st grade (thus I never got to take naps in school, though I did make up for this later). She was, to me, the prettiest thing on the planet that was La Luz School. It turned out that she liked me, too. We sat next to each other and did what most kids who liked each other in the 1st grade did - stick our tongues out at each other, call the other a doody-head, and hit each other at every conceivable moment that the teacher wasn't looking. Before the school year ended, we had our first kiss. I was on cloud ten (too many people on cloud nine, so I took the upgrade). When summer started, we swore to call each other every day.

[Cue record scratching sound effect]

Yeah, right.

Calls were never made. That was because she moved away. I never saw her again. My heart was crushed. I thought I would never love that way again. Two days later, Keisha Johnson and her family moved into the neighborhood...

Damn, I was a heartless bastard, wasn't I?

For as long as I've lived, I have been what is classified as a heterosexual. I didn't ask to be this way. To my knowledge, I didn't even know I had a choice in the matter. All I know is that from the beginning, I liked girls. When I got older, I really liked girls. Now that I'm an adult, I love women. I don't think I was asked if I was a heterosexual. I just was. I didn't think to question it. I didn't even know it was a question.

I would be lying if I said I didn't use the word “faggot” as a kid. Kids do that. As a young man, we use words like that to put down other guys, especially under two circumstances:

• when you wanted to prove you were a bigger man than your friend in a playful manner, or
  
• when you wanted to prove you were a bigger man that your enemy
  

As a kid, rarely did I know someone who was actually gay. I might have suspected it, but they were never the “I'm here, I'm queer” type. It was always the one who acted a little too feminine, but in those days we would just call them a “mama's boy.” As an adult, they are out and about, walking with pride and carrying their rainbow flags.

Homosexuals. Gays. Lesbians. Once in the shadows, now they're out in the spotlight. Bravo for them, I say. Be proud of who you are.

The jury's still out on a lot of things. Is homosexuality something learned or is it something you're born with? Is it genetic or environmental? People can argue these points until the cows come home, but in the end, does it really matter? Is the gender of the person that someone loves really relevant in the scheme of things?

Personally, I don't care. It's not my job to judge. As long as you give me respect, I'll give you respect. Treat me with kindness and I'll do the same. Respect my boundaries and I'll respect yours.

It's amazing how hypocritical people can be. The religious right (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) swears that homosexuality is a threat to the sanctity of marriage. Yet, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Marriages that are between a man and a woman, mind you. In fact, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, people in the Bible Belt find the most reasons for divorce at roughly 50% above the national average.

Translation: Self-righteousness does not make a happy marriage.

We don't deny them the right to a job, purchase property, take vacations, invest, or go to McDonald's. But once they wanted to start getting married, that was when the human excrement hit the rotating propeller device. After all, why would they not want to be with the one they love in a manner unlike what a man and a woman would want? Shouldn't they be able to pass on property to their loved one, like a married man and woman could do? Not according to the religious right. And accordingly, because people vote in the people who are making the laws, no one who wants a long-term political career in Washington, D.C. will even consider touching that subject on a federal level.

States rights, however, are a different story. Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C. (oh, the irony) are the only five states that perform same-sex marriages. California used to, but the item came to a vote that passed, ending it. However, this was ruled unconstitutional (yay, Constitution!), but is currently on appeal.

Do I agree with same-sex unions, whether they be marital or not? My religious upbringing does not, because people of the same sex cannot produce life, which is one of the tenets of God. My spiritual self says it doesn't matter because everyone has the right to find someone they love and who loves them. My realistic self says who cares because the bills need to get paid, the kids need clothes and the wife wants to have some quality time. Only the man upstairs has the answer to it all, so I'll leave it up to him.

So, here's my common sense advice about gay marriages to every one of you out there:

• If you're complaining about gay marriage and you're married, you're obviously neglecting your spouse and kids. I'm married and find myself too busy about the wife and kids to be worried about gay marriage. I can barely get in a decent game of Modern Warfare.
  
• If you're complaining about gay marriage and you're single, You have too much time on your hands. Get away from the Facebook, put the iPhone down, and go to a bar and meet someone. I hear speed dating does wonders.
  
• If you're complaining about gay marriage and you're not married but you are in a relationship, then you're probably gay. Or don't want to get married. Or both.
  
• If you're complaining about gay marriage and walk around carrying a Bible, just go to the kitchen and have a nice cup of STFU. First of all, Jesus said let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Secondly, when you're quiet, you'll hear silence. Know what that silence is? It's the sound of no one caring about what you think.
  
• If you're not complaining about gay marriage, then congratulations. You have a life. Go live it.
  

Live and let live, people.

Fear Is The Mind-Killer

fear [feer] (noun) - 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. 2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling. 3. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid. (verb) 4. to have fear; be afraid.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” (Yoda)

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I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of being afraid.

When I was a kid in the 3rd grade, I was bullied by another kid who was a year older than me. He picked on me because I used to go to private school. To him, the math was simple: private school = easy target. The first day he beat me up, I went home bruised and battered. My older brother asked me what happened and I told him about the beating that I got from the bully.

“Did you fight back?” he asked.

“No,” I answered.

“Why?” he asked, annoyed.

“I was afraid,” I said.

Then he hit me. Hard. In my arm. And it hurt. A lot.

Next day, same thing happened. Bully beat my behind. I came home and told my brother. He asked the same questions, I gave him the same answers. He gave me the same hit, though it was on the other arm.

“What are you afraid of more,” he asked, “the bully or me hitting you for being afraid of the bully?”

The following day, I came home. I was bruised up. Again, my brother confronted me.

“Did you fight back?” he asked.

“He's gonna have trouble peeing,” I answered.

He smiled and patted me on the back. He explained to me that even if I had lost, he would have been proud of me because at least I fought back.

Since that time, I've always stood up to any bully that came my way. Bullies rule by fear. Take that fear away and they have nothing to work with.

Scientifically speaking, we all know that fear causes a fight-or-flight reaction in the human body. Adrenaline is released into the bloodstream, which causes the muscles of the body to go into a state of readiness for intense muscular activity. The heart and lungs move faster. Pupils dilate and tunnel vision develops. Reflexes increase. Hearing loss begins. Even your metabolism slows down or stops completely. Of course, all of this is supposed to stop once the threat is evaded (flight) or neutralized (fight).

Being exposed to stress also triggers this, but in a more prolonged way. It causes all of the above, but also causes suppression of the immune system, constipation, difficulty urination and sexual suppression. When they say stress kills, it's not a joke.

Ever notice how when you're really angry or scared, you can't think straight? That's because the fight-or-flight response will only allow two methods of thinking: aggressive or evasive. Defeat the enemy or outrun them.

I hate anything that messes with my thinking. Fear does it in a way that you can't stop unless you can stop the process from happening in the first place. And that's why I hate to let my fear overwhelm me.

Yet every time I turn on the television, check the internet or read a newspaper, all I see is fear. And worse yet, I can see that the fear is manufactured in an attempt to sway the way we all think, all in the name of political gain.

It makes me mad, but if I let it overwhelm me, then I fall into the same trap. A catch-22, if I ever saw one.

I'm hoping that we come to a point where we let common sense dictate how we think, not what we're afraid of. But until that time comes, only knowledge and education can help, not ignorance. I was going to add passion to that, but passion is a double-edged sword.

Right now, as we edge closer to election time, all of us will be bombarded with advertisements that are designed to scare us into voting for the candidate who is the least scary. Think I'm wrong? Try this the next time you hear a negative campaign commercial. Close your eyes and just listen. Listen to the music in the background. Listen to the voice of the narrator. These are all psychological tools that marketing and advertising companies use to set the mood and tone of the listener.

In fact, compare it to a trailer for a scary movie. You'll see there's very little difference.

Instead, get the facts. In this day and age, where information is readily available, it's very easy to get. Then make your choice. What do you have to lose?

People may knock science fiction, but you would be surprised at how much you can learn about common sense by reading them. Here's something I found in a book called Dune by Frank Herbert that I try to keep in mind whenever I think my fear will overwhelm me. It's an incantation used by a group of witches known as the Bene Gesserit to calm them down in times of peril known as the litany against fear:

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”

For those of a more spiritual leaning, there's the passage in 2 Timothy 1:7 that says:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

Don't get me wrong. I'm not blind or deaf to what's happening to us. The economy is out of control. People are losing their jobs, homes, and livelihoods. No one knows when this will turn around. And this is the perfect time for those who want to set their own agendas to make us afraid, so that we develop tunnel vision and see nothing else but what they tell us.

But if we have self-discipline, then we can see without the blinders on. We can listen past the rhetoric and see what the truth is. We can make our choices based on knowledge and not simply what we feel. We can come up with solutions that help all instead of a chosen few. And if we base those solutions on love for our fellow man and not fear, what could be better than that?

It's easy to fear or hate what we don't understand, but lack of understanding is ignorance in the highest form. And ignorance is a choice, not an excuse.

Make your selection now.

Live & Let Live… & Let Sheep Be Sheep

“In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.” (Dalai Lama)

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Every day, I grow more and more disillusioned about people. It constantly amazes me how we, the smartest creatures in the planet due to God/evolution/chaos/insert-your-own-reason-here, can be so damn stupid. Each time the sun rises and sets, I seriously wonder if the bar on stupidity continues to be raised or why we keep breaking our own record on how stupid we can become.

Let me stop here for a second to clarify something. I am human. I am not perfect. I make my fair share of mistakes. But if there is one thing I will say, I can admit when I am wrong (and offer the necessary apology) and I can learn from my mistakes.

Now, let’s get back to the subject at hand. For creatures that love freedom, we have the easiest time trying to step on the freedom of others. Whether it’s gay marriage, religious expression, abortion rights, health care, or whether a Happy Meal should have a toy in it (I wish this last one was a joke), we love to get into other people’s faces and tell them what they should do with themselves, whether they like it or not.

I think that deep down, we are all control freaks, but it’s the freakiest of the control freaks that scare me. You know who they are. The ones who are convinced that only they are right and that everyone else who disagrees is wrong. Their justifications vary – raised by a moral family, born a citizen, or even have a book and TV show – but they are all the same. To them, you are misguided and uneducated. You don’t know better. But they do, so let them show you the way. Just follow their lead.

In other words, be a sheep.

I believe that as the “enlightened” species of planet Earth, we need to show that differences are just that and not a marker for what is right or wrong. Will I really lose sleep if someone who has a different skin color that me lives in my neighborhood? Is it really that big of a deal if someone makes a choice to be with someone of the same sex? Is it necessary for you to beat me up because I prefer McDonald’s fries over BK’s?

Differences surround us in all stages of life… and it’s beautiful. Do we discriminate between the rose and the sunflower, or do we just enjoy each for what they bring? Ever seen a pack of dogs fend off another dog because he had a brown patch over his left eye instead of a white one? I won’t use cats as an example because they feel their superior to everyone equally, but at least they all agree on that.

So let’s celebrate those differences. Try and see things from another point of view with an open mind. Debate things from a standpoint of knowledge and a willingness to learn, not because you are better than they are, because you might be wrong. And if you can’t agree, then just agree to disagree.

Just so you know, election time is coming up. Everyone who wants to be in office will do whatever they can to convince you that they are right and their opponent is wrong. You have three choices at this point:

A. Choose your candidate only because he/she is a member of your chosen political party, regardless of whether they could do the job;

B. Listen to the candidates’ stand on the issues at hand (economy, jobs, education, etc.) and then decide who best represents your interests; or

C. Do nothing.

If you choose A, you are a sheep. You are part of the problem.

If you choose B, congratulations. You are on the way to convincing me that human beings can be redeemed and that God/evolution/chaos/insert-your-own-reason-here was right.

If you choose, C, then STFU. You are worse than the sheep.

Don’t be a sheep. Be… just be you. Just live and let live. Of course, if you wish to be a sheep, then I’ll respect that, too. But I will make fun of you, whether you respect that or not.

The Case of the $64 Chai Latte

pro·tec·tion [pruh-tek-shuhn] (noun) - 1. the act of protecting or the state of being protected; preservation from injury or harm. 2. a thing, person, or group that protects. 3. a document that assures safety from harm, delay, or the like, for the person, persons, or property specified in it. 4. Informal: money paid to racketeers for a guarantee against threatened violence.

"The best protection for the people is not necessarily to believe everything people tell them." (Demosthenes)

-----

A good friend of mine named John (not his name) went to Starbucks one afternoon and purchased his usual pick-me-up, a Chai Tea Latte, after a long day of paperwork (not his job), then went home. John is a typical nice guy who enjoys nice things and gets a decent salary that allows him to get those things. He's usually pretty responsible about his finances, so this particular evening, he decided not to check on his checking account. Instead, he chose to go to the movies with Jane (not his wife... um, crap... I better stop this).

The next day, I gave him a call and found him in a very bad mood. Turns out that his pick-me-up cost him $64. How did this happen, you ask? The bank happened.

Turns out that a check he wrote about and forgot to write down in his check register cashed. His account was short by $2.05. So his bank (which rhymes with vase), cashed the check. Of course, since he didn't have all of the funds for it, they charged him $29 for overdrafting. And since he didn't know about this check, he spent close to $4 on his latte. Of course, the bank let the charge go through. And as a token of appreciation, they charged him $29 for it. No need to thank them.

Overdraft protection is what the banks provide to all of their victims... er, customers. The deal is that they know John Q. Customer is a hard-working, busy person who is usually (1) living paycheck-to-paycheck, (2) has decent to bad credit and (3) usually does not balance his checkbook or pay attention to his account balances. So, they tell John that if a check comes in and his account is short, they will pay up to a certain amount and for doing this, they will charge John $29 (the price varies based on the amount and location, though this seemed to be the amount I saw more often) instead of him getting charged for non-sufficient funds (aka NSF) from his bank and the bank that submitted the check.

Guess how much the banks get just from this alone? According to a Wall Street Journal article, the estimate is $37.1 billion in 2009. Yep, billion. With a 'b'. It's legal robbery, but we let them do this. Many of us have gone through what John has. I know once when the bank got $348 out of me because I was double-charged for something I purchased at the same time that my bills were being sent out by my automated bill payer, causing a very ugly domino effect. So imagine how many people are going through this for them to receive $37 billion. With a 'b'.

I don't have anything with businesses making money. It's just that they usually do it by stepping on the little guy, aka us. $37 billion (with a 'b') is a lot of little guys getting bent over. And don't forget how many of them opened their hands when TARP funds were being handed out.

But if you stop for a moment, close your eyes and listen for a few moments, you will eventually hear the sound of the other shoe dropping. Now, before you panic, here's the good news: it's not for us this time.

On August 15th, Federal Reserve restrictions kick in that require the banks to charge for overdraft fees only if the customer signs up for the bank's overdraft protection program. If you sign up, it's business as usual. If you don't opt-in, then your purchase is rejected is you don't have sufficient funds.

So, if you have seen an increase in junk mail over the last two weeks from your bank, it's not because they decided to tell you that they love you. Some banks are calling and e-mailing their customers, desperate to ensure that the cash cow isn't heading out to pasture. Some of them are even sending their tellers and clerks to "sell" the service to anyone with a pulse while on line or going to the ATM. I wouldn't even be surprised if they're handing out bonuses based on how many people they are signing up.

Due to this, my shredder and answering machine are working like never before and are starting to request wage and benefit increases. And that's not counting the ads that show up whenever I go to my online account.

My advice to you is this: do not sign up. First of all, it will make you a more fiscally responsible customer. Second, you'll save a lot of money in fees, which you can actually (gasp) keep to yourself, since it costs nothing.

Zip, zilch, nada.

Consumers: 1. Banks: 0.

A good place to start is this article I found on how to never pay overdraft fees again. The choice is yours. Me, I'd rather be told by the student behind the counter that my card was rejected because of lack of funds. I didn't really need to eat those french fries anyway.

The Versatile Blogger Award

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Apologies for that. The Girl Scouts were more resourceful than I thought.

In either case, I need to check my e-mail more often 'cause in searching through it, I learned that I was given an award and almost missed it. Yay me!

Bad news: It's not a Pulitzer.

Good news: It's BETTER!!!

A good friend of mine, Trisha Wooldridge, who by the way is an author, felt that I deserved the honor of being awarded the Versatile Blogger Award.

I'd like to thank God, first of all. I'd also like to thank my parents, who--

What?!? I can't do an acceptance speech?!? It's not THAT kind of award?!?

Rules?!? There are rules?!? What rules?!?

Oh. According to the powers that be, I have to (1) thank the person that gave it to me, (2) share 7 things about me, and (3) pass the award to 7 other bloggers and (4) inform the bloggers that they are recipients of the award.

Well, nos. 3 and 4 are kinda hard at the moment, so I'll table that for now and focus on 1 and 2.

First of all, I'd like to thank Trish for my award. She's someone whom I respect and treasure a lot and it's good to know that she feels the same. So thanks, Trish. And while I'm at it, I will do a shameless plug for her blog, A Novel Friend. She inspired me to do this blog, so I might as well give her site some free advertising. It's not just fair; it's love.

Now, here's seven things about me that I can share without shame:

1. On August 12th, I will have been married for 15 years to a wonderful woman. No regrets.

2. I love video games, comic books, cartoons and anime. Always have, always will.

3. I believe that there is life out there in the universe. I also hope that they're intelligent enough to avoid us. We're not at that level yet. We can barely stand each other!

4. Chocolate chip cookies. Best. Invention. Ever!

5. I do not believe in religion. I believe in spirituality.

6. I have little patience for dumb people. I don't mean people who don't know things; I mean people who don't even try to educate themselves and persist on never progressing beyond their current state.

7. I am working on a novel. It's a science fiction/fantasy novel.

I have some more, but they did say seven. Thanks again, Trish!

Team Screw Bella

The apocalypse has arrived today. The end of days has begun. The seventh sign has been opened.

Eclipse opens today.

Thousands... nay, millions of female tweens, teenagers and (sadly) adults will be screaming in excitement as they drive en masse for the privilege of standing in line to feed the Beast (aka the box office) in order to satiate their desire to answer the one question that is more important than the meaning of the universe, the origin of life, or why we cannot wear white after Labor Day:

Will Bella choose Edward or Jacob?

Ever since the beginning of time (roughly three years ago), girls of all ages have been fawning over the stories of Bella Swan, a young teenage girl who falls in love with a vampire. They have followed her tragic plight as she soon became enamored with a werewolf and came to realize that she had to choose between them. And when the movies came out, they ran to the theatres like lemmings, desperate to see this story emerge on the big screen.

In time, the masses came to realize that a choice had to be made, one that would shake the core of friendships, families and even strangers. Like the age-old choice between Tastes Great or Less Filling, every individual on the planet Earth had to make the ultimate choice: Team Edward or Team Jacob?

I have been asked this question several times over the last year by my wife, daughter, niece, sister-in-law, nephew, son, fish and dog. Because I have chosen not to make a choice -- which to me is like choosing whether to die by gun or knife -- I have been told that I am on Team Switzerland (whatever that means).

Translation: Choose a team or one will be chosen for you.

Then I had an epiphany. The clouds parted. Sunlight bathed me in golden rays. A new revelation was given to me. If I have to be on a team, then I will make a new one. One that will force others to see the truth in this time of darkness.

And thus, Team Screw Bella was born (actually, it was Team **** Bella, but there are children present).

By now, I am being hunted by several hit squads of offended tweens and teenagers (particularly the Girl Scouts, who have more resources than the CIA), so let me explain the philosophy of this team quickly so that you may pass it along to the unenlightened.

I have sat and watched the movies (which, by the way, should replace waterboarding as a torture technique due to its merciless cruelty). I tried to read the first book (I say tried because the more I read, the more my eyes wanted to shrivel) because I thought the book had something that I must have missed in the movie. However, it only confirmed my opinion, which must be said:

Bella Swan is (a) a whiny, miserable bitch and (b) a terrible role model for girls everywhere.

First of all, from word one, she is miserable. She is so depressing that emos look at her and wonder what's her problem. Since the book is written in first person, the reader is subjected to her misery in all of its ways and forms that I almost think it should be used as a suicide prevention manual. She whines about moving. She complains about moving from Arizona, where despite the heat and sun she's as pale as a ghost (which explains why she moans like one).

Secondly, she defines herself by her relationship with the vampire, Edward (who is perhaps the only person paler than Bella). In the second book, New Moon, when he leaves her to protect her, she goes crazy and tries to get herself in all kinds of trouble because she figures that would be the only way she could "see" him. Even worse, she toys with the emotions of Jacob, using him as a substitute for the absent vampire.

Yes, I know a lot of girls toy with the emotions of boys, but that's not the point. The point is she has no goals, no ambitions other than to be with Edward. He defines her life and gives it meaning. From what I've seen and read, it's the only thing that makes her happy (another sign of the apocalypse). Without him, she is nothing, and not even Jacob (aka the quintessential "nice guy", and you know what happens to nice guys) can change that. If he does, it's only temporary, until Edward returns, whereupon Jacob is put away like the dog that is put out of the house.

Yet, girls want to be her. They want to be part of her world and to know what it is to be torn between the love of a vampire and a werewolf. Yet, she isn't torn. She wants the vampire, but will take the werewolf when the vampire's gone. The vampire's always first choice. And the werewolf? Dangling on a string until she needs him, hoping that some day, he will be the one.

Sigh.

So I say Screw Bella! Edward and Jacob are better off without her making their lives as miserable as she is. If she's not around, then Edward won't have to suffer so much about wanting to bite her (a lesson in masochism if I ever heard one, but that's for another article). Jacob could finally find a girl that would actually appreciate him for who he is and not treat him as a substitute. The little girls that think Bella is cool would learn that having self-esteem and self-ambition is actually good for you and that you can be all right without a man in your life.

So, from here on out, I am on Team Screw Bella. So far, I've recruited the fish and the dog.

Now, I got to run. I hear little feet sneaking around my safehouse. I think the Girl Scouts have found me.

Privacy & The Workplace

The expectation of privacy is a right that all citizens share. And yet, as we advance down the road to technology that is integrated into our daily lives, that expectation will be tested constantly as both citizens and corporations struggle to define where the line in the sand is drawn. Naturally, this will also be tested in the legal system as lawyers on both sides of the line attempt to legally define those same limits.

However, I do believe that in some cases, a good dose of common sense can make things a lot easier.

For example, a recent article I read falls into the "what-were-they-thinking" category of common sense.

In essence, a police officer who sent an excessive number of text messages from a two-way pager owned and paid for by the police department sued the department when they found that many of his messages were personal and that a majority of the messages were sexually explicit in nature and were being sent to his wife and (dramatic pause) his mistress, both of whom worked for the department as well.

The case made it to the Supreme Court, where they voted unanimously that government employers had “the right to review all communications on company-issued computers and cell phones as long as there is a legitimate work-related purpose.”

I don’t see a problem with this.

It’s one thing if I’m using my personal cell phone, which I pay the bill for, and my employer demands to see who I’ve been calling. It’s my phone. I pay it. They have no right to see who I call or for how long or even my iPod playlist.

But I don’t own the computer that’s on my desk. I don’t pay the bill on the company-issued pager. So with those items, there’s a certain expectation from the company that I (as the employee) will use those items in a responsible manner. In fact, when I sign on my computer, there’s a message that pops up before I log in that states, in essence, that by logging in, I am agreeing to use the equipment in a responsible manner and that on it is subject to inspection.

My daughter is on my cell phone plan. She knows that as I expect her to use the phone responsibly. She also knows that I have the right to inspect her phone at any time for any reason. This is also why the home computer is in the living room, so that I can see what my kids are looking at whenever I feel the need. I’m blessed to have great children, so I rarely invoke this, but I have done it in the past just to remind them that it’s there.

When they become adults and pay for their own cell phones, my right to see what they do ends. It’s their bill at that point, so what right would I have to know what they do? That’s right, none!

I expect no less from my employer. They sign the checks and pay the bills. Thus, they have to right to know what the kids are doing with their stuff.

So, if I want to be a bad boy, I’d better do it on my own phone or PC. I think that’s common sense. No lawsuit needed here.

What Do You Mean I Can't Say That?!?

Political correctness - suppressing the expression of certain attitudes and the use of certain terms in the belief that they are too offensive or controversial.

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it." (Voltaire)

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Ladies and gentlemen, we as a people are too damn sensitive. And naturally, some people will no doubt be offended by this statement.

Let the hate mail commence.

Seriously, folks. I think we have taken Political Correctness (a.k.a. P.C.) to a whole new level. It seems that nowadays, everyone needs to watch what they say to everyone they meet just in case we may offend someone.

Think about it. In December, most stores have policies requiring their employees to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas as a way to avoid offending customers. When I went Christmas shopping, the cashier said, "Happy Holidays and thanks for coming."

I said, "Merry Christmas and have a nice day."

She smiled and said, "Merry Christmas to you, too."

I often wonder what our society would be like if people said what they meant and meant what they said. There would be a lot of upset people, that's for sure. But think about it. Imagine being in a world where no one has to second-guess the meaning or intention of what is said to them. Where everyone knows exactly what the other person just said because he or she said it quite plainly.

In other words, a non-P.C. world.

Imagine the warning label on a cigarette box:

Old: "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy."

New: "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Can Kill You."

Fewer words. Simpler explanation. Straight and to-the-point. Yet, if I say this to a smoker, they would get offended.

Normally, I'd go into a small explanation to say that I'm not against cigarette smokers. I'm not. But I've recently had to bury my aunt, who was a smoker and died of *gasp* lung cancer. So I won't.

I have a good friend of mine who lives this way. If he sees someone eating a Double Whopper, for example, he will say (quite loudly), "A heart attack waiting to happen." Needless to say, he offends a lot of people.

Two articles of note that I saw recently that prove my point.

First, a woman named LuAnn Haley got into hot water because she said that President Obama "is a hottie, with a smokin' little body." And people got offended by this. Why?!? If she thinks he's a hottie, what's the problem? The President wasn't even offended by the remark. He laughed about it.

As for Ms. Haley? She gets nasty comments and text messages.

Honestly, I feel sorry for her. She didn't really deserve that. She obviously admires the president. It would have been a whole different thing if she solicited him for sex or wanted to be his mistress.

Sigh.

Then there's the Kristen Stewart interview for Elle Magazine's July issue where she was talking about being constantly hounded by the paparazzi. She said:

“The photos are so … I feel like I’m looking at someone being raped. A lot of the time I can’t handle it. I never expected that this would be my life.”

This, of course, caused a firestorm of controversy from rape victims, counseling groups and her own fans who cried foul, saying that she should not compare her violation of privacy to rape. She even issued an apology for it, saying that she made a mistake in her choice of words.

I have close friends who are rape victims. Me, I feel that any man who rapes a woman deserves to have himself castrated with a meat cleaver and no anesthesia. When I spoke with my friends about this, none of them felt offended by what she said. They all understood that she was not portraying herself as someone who had been raped, but as someone whose privacy has been violated. I thought the same thing.

Many people see it as the price of celebrity. When you choose to be famous, you give up the right to privacy. One of my friends said that it's the same thing as when her rapist said he did it because of the tight outfit and short skirt she wore made her too sexy to resist.

Let me say that I am not a Kristen Stewart fan. (Crap, I'm sure I offended someone now.) But to take her words out of context and be offended by it also means that her feelings on the matter should be disregarded and that she should not feel like a victim.

Never mind that one of the definitions of rape is "violation."

I know that a world without P.C. can't happen. I also have a theory as to why it can't happen. My theory is that a world of blunt honesty can only happen when we as a society can trust the intention of the person who is telling us the truth. We have to trust that the person means us no harm and that it is being done with the best of intentions. And let's be honest -- none of us trust anyone else that much. Maybe you might have that with a sibling, a parent, a spouse, or a child, but no one would trust a stranger with that much power.

And as long as that lack of trust exists, we will always have to approach every conversation with the same amount of caution as one does when walking through an area filled with land mines. It's because of who we are as human beings that the P.C. Beast will continue to be fed.

As for me, I think I'm going to start putting the P.C. Beast on a diet. He's a little too fat for my taste.

Crap. I used the word "fat." I'm sure that someone is upset by this.

Sigh.

To paraphrase Ice-T, we all have the freedom of speech. Just watch what you say.

It's My Privacy & I'll Tweet It If I Want To

pri·va·cy [prahy-vuh-see; Brit. also priv-uh-see] (noun) - (1.) the state of being private; retirement or seclusion. (2.) the state of being free from intrusion or disturbance in one's private life or affairs. (3) secrecy.

"Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds." (John Perry Barlow)

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We are in the age of information, where knowledge is power and your profile is king/queen. The internets (that one's for you, Dubya) is vast and ever-expanding. If you have access to technology, more than likely you will have one, some or all of the following:

• An e-mail address (or five)
• A web site
• A blog
• A Facebook page (if you're over twenty)
• A MySpace page (if you don't know better)
• A Twitter account

Google or Bing can find anything you're looking for with a few keystrokes. The world is yours for the viewing. And all it costs is your privacy.

Yes, your privacy. Everything you are, translated into bytes of raw data and sold off as a commodity.

It's unavoidable. It's already happened.

That's not right, you say. The Constitution guarantees my right to privacy.

Nuh-uh.

I did a bet with someone regarding that very same statement. You can do this, too, kids. Do a Google search on the word Constitution and pick one of the links (I went here). Use the Find command on your browser (you can press Ctrl+F on your keyboard to bring it up). Type in the word "privacy."

It didn't find anything? Surprise, surprise.

(By the way, I got two lunches for winning the bet.)

Privacy is not a guaranteed right. It is somewhat implied, since the Declaration of Independence gives us "certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

We, the People, like privacy. It makes us feel safe and secure to know that things we like to do is not on display for the public to know. If you like to walk around naked, it's great as long as you do it in your own home. I personally don't want to know about it, which makes privacy a beautiful thing. What you read, write, and do that makes you happy should be personal and sacred, which is what privacy affords all of us.

But in this day and age, privacy is no longer the precious commodity it used to be. With a click of a mouse, a user willingly (but without their knowledge -- what a paradox, huh) leaves bread crumbs behind that can tell people who can interpret those bread crumbs all they need to know about you. Where you shop, what kind of clothes you like to buy, what color you like, and many other assorted information that, in whole, describes you.

Want a 10% discount coupon? Subscribe to this newsletter. Then you wonder what caused your mailbox to get 25 spam messages... an hour.

Want to know when the special sales begin? Subscribe here. Oh, boy. Spam went up to 60 messages now.

You did it.

That's not even mentioning the fact that everyone and their mother is looking for their 15 minutes of fame. Or 140 characters, in Twitter's case. Minute after minute, second after second, someone's telling everyone about their business. TMI taboos are being broken in megabits-per-second speed. C'mon, do I really need to know about the really embarrassing things that celebrities want to let their followers know?

Fun fact #1: The Library of Congress is now archiving Twitter feeds so that future generations can view the social culture of the 21st century. Run. Hide. Now. The Terminators are coming.

Fun fact #2: As of May 2010, Britney Spears has more followers (4,952,552) than Ashton Kutcher (4,945,544).

In the age of information, knowledge is money. And you are worth a lot. Companies pay for this information. Think about it: if you knew that a certain product you sold is desired by 30% of all internet users out there, you can make a killing.

They pay for it. You give it away for free.

Common sense says that because who you are is worth something, you should have some control over how that information is distributed. After all, knowledge is power, right? Oftentimes, the problem is that most common users don't have the knowledge, hence they lack the power to fix the problem.

One of the most recent offenders against privacy is Facebook, which has 400 million active users. Over the years, Facebook has changed their policy several times. Now, they are getting ready to roll out yet another change that would force all of its users to opt-in for privacy instead of automatically having it and getting a lot of heat for it. In layman's terms, it's like renting an apartment, then having to tell the landlord that you need a door and closable windows.

Fun fact #3: Facebook's privacy policy is 5,830 words long. The Constitution, without the amendments, is 4,543.

I found an article that helps to navigate the treacherous waters of Facebook privacy settings. It's a good read and will help provide you, the user, with knowledge (which equals power) to help yourself. Then I order you to Google search ways to keep your electronic privacy.

Take back what is yours. I double dare you.

Oh, and in case you need motivation:

• An Iowa Catholic school fired a teacher because she filled out a Facebook survey which put on her home page that she did not believe in God.
• An office worker was fired after posting on her Facebook page that her job was boring.

And tell your Friends. Or Followers. Or... whatever they're called.

Memorial Day

Originally known as Decoration Day. Established on May 5th, 1868 by Major General John A. Logan as a time for the nation to decorate the graves of the war dead with flowers. It is believed that May 30th was chosen because flowers would be in bloom all over the country. (U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs)

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My brother served in the Army Reserve. My brother-from-another-mother served in the Marine Corps, going to boot camp eight days after we graduated high school together. Another of my best friends is a nurse in the Army. And I could go on and on about the other people I know who served in the military.

For all of you who stood in the gap to protect the freedoms of this nation, who sacrificed their lives so that the rest of us could sleep peacefully, I have two things to say:

Thank you.

And much respect.

Opinions... Everyone Has Them

o·pin·ion [uh-pin-yuhn] (noun) - (1.) A belief or conclusion held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof. (2.) a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. (3.) a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

"The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion" (Elizabeth Drew)

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A good friend of mine today asked me to give him my definition of an opinion. I thought about it for a second, then answered, "What someone feels based on their knowledge and/or personal experience."

This started us on a path to a ten-minute discussion on why it is that some people take opinions so seriously. I don't mean seriously as in when a doctor tells you that you have to lose weight or else risk having a heart attack later. I mean seriously as in when someone (not an expert) tells you something you did not like and you let it ruin your day.

Let's face it. Everyone has an opinion. And they have one about everything. You never have to go far to get one.

But let's apply some common sense in the picture.

One morning, you wake up and put on a nice outfit. Something that you've worn many times before and really, really like how it feels and how it looks on you. Then you step out into the real world. A compliment or two comes your way. Then, say, an hour later, you draw the short straw. One person makes a negative comment about your outfit.

Is this person a fashion guru? A designer? Calvin Klein?

No? Then move on.

Unfortunately, what happens is that many people will let that one negative opinion ruin their day. They will sulk. Moan. Even cry. Then they have to talk to someone about it.

Sigh.

"I was having a good day 'til so-and-so said..."

Enough.

Get over it.

It's not society's job to hold everyone's hand and make them feel good. It's your job to make you feel good. And part of that comes from developing thick skin. The moment you wake up, you will be bombarded with opinions about everything.

What to eat. What not to eat.

What to wear. What not to wear.

Short hair. Tall hair.

No white after Labor Day.

For once, make a decision not to be a lemming. If you like it, do it. If you don't, leave it alone. If you like it and they don't like it (and you know who they are), screw 'em. If they disagree with you, it's not the end of the world.

Trust me. Or not. It's just my opinion.